Day 5 on my journey - Your body is your forum
So, my day 5 ended in the Emergency Room. Every day I have been in these forums trying to get answers on how to relieve gas, and all things related to the land band. Well I am thankful for the many replies I've received from my fellow-banders based on their experience, but not everything is for everyone. I got up yesterday and said that I would go outside to the stripmall and do some much needed walking, since that was clearly the cure-all for the gas pain I was experiencing. However, when I came home my gas was not relieved at all, actually I came home and threw-up because I was so damn nauseous from all the gas.
Regardless, of how much I hear of others complaining of the gas, I knew that there was something not normal about this, especially since the night before I woke up at 2 a.m. to bow-down before my porcelain thrown. In all my years of being a big-girl, I knew that being bulimic wasn't the way to shed the pounds, so the idea of getting to this point in life, doing a six month supervised weight-loss program, and undergoing surgery was not going to results in me all of a sudden losing weight by throwing up all my foods (or liquids) in this case. This is not the way. I have managed to lose 9 pounds in 5 days and under different circumstances that would be cause to celebrate, but this was not the way.
So about 4pm I called my Doctors office and they told me to come in and I did. He asked no real questions, he just had his needle ready to remove the fluid from my band. Remove the fluid from my band, WTF?! Okay, so when did he plan on telling me that I had fluid in my band? We talked about this before surgery and I knew that my first fill wasn't until 9/14/11.It may not seem to be that bad for some, but for me, I felt a bit violated. I am not that hard up for weight loss that you can just do anything with me without telling me, especially something that would make me sick. I knew something was wrong because I had no appetite at all, and drinking water made me full and nauseous. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't want to be able to go back to eating sandwiches and burgers, but if you tell me to drink 64 oz. of fluids, I want to be able to do it painlessly.
So after he removed all the fluid, he said that I should feel immediate relief, but I didn't. He advised me to go to the ER to make sure I am not having a HEART ATTACK! You know how they say that when your facing death your whole life flashes right before your eyes? Well in this case, my how big-girl existence and reasons for choosing this surgery flashed before me. I began to question whether all of this was worth it. I mean, okay... I've been a big girl all my life... yeah it has limited the places where I can shop, but overall I was not unhappy with myself. Honestly, I had no co-morbidity ( nor have I ever heard of it) until I started this program and that was obstructed sleep apnea. Which I am starting to believe every person at least 20 lbs overweight has it. I mean honestly- was it really worth it; a heart attack?
I immediately went to the emergency room. I was seem immediately and the did the whole million-dollar work-up on me; EKG, bloodwork, X-rays etc... they gave me a different kind of medicine for my nausea, and and IV. But guess what? They had nothing for the gas! I never had any regrets prior to this. I contemplated this surgery for 3 years before I committed to it, so in my opinion that was well thought out, unlike other things I jumped into without thinking about.
I can't say that I have regrets now, because I don't; however, I can say that while I sat on the hospital bed for about 10 hours, only 10 slimmer than when I started this journey, I began to rethink things. I am okay. I like myself. I love myself actually and there is nothing that has changed about me on the inside. Whenever I make any decision on my life, I have to remember that, because honestly, all the reasons for me doing this surgery were non-existent for those 10 hours. I am not saying that I made a mistake, I am not saying that I wouldn't do it again. I am just saying that I would re-evaluate my reasons and learn to be content where I am, because there is a high cost for the price of beauty.....
In conclusion, since the fluid is gone and the band is more loose, I am able to pass the horrid gas easier (Thank You Jesus)! I also learned that I do not want super restriction on my band because I do not want to be sick. I can deal with a slower weight-loss, its not worth my heath. I also learned that my body is my forum. It will tell me when something is not right, and that is who I should be listening to instead of these LBT forums. I am thankful this morning for the experience. I am especially thankful that since I had that IV last night I am well-hydrated 
.
I am going to complete this journey, one step at a time.
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