So I got to the point where my scale at home pretty consistently says I've reached Onderland.....somewhere between 197-199 depending on how I've eaten and how much alcohol I've had. In one of my previous posts, I said I couldn't wait to get to that point and that I would savor it. Did I? No, not really. Mostly because I didn't really believe it at first. I figured it was due to water fluctuations or whatever other excuses I came up for myself. For what it's worth, the medical scale at my gym is still says 203 lbs, with gym clothes on. Maybe I'll believe it when that scale doesn't require me to move the heavy bar to 200...but either way, it doesn't really matter, I realize the number is rather arbitrary...it's more about how I look and feel. Which makes it rather ironic that I'm now really interested in this idea that I can get to 192lbs and that would represent 100lbs lost. I don't know how I will feel then....but I do know that 100lbs lost is a big accomplishment. I hope I let myself enjoy THAT milestone.

On the NSV front, something that I don't notice must have changed about my appearance because both my mother and grandmother went on and on about how I'm nearly unrecognizable. I don't see my grandmother that often, the last time was at Christmas so I guess I can buy that I look different than I did then. But my mom? I'd seen her about 3 weeks before. A few other people have made comments so I guess I have no choice but to believe that I somehow look different but I honestly cannot see any tremendous change in the way I looked 2 months ago and the last time I saw my mom. The scale isn't really giving me any answers, I have seriously only lost maybe 2-3 pounds between mom visits. But I had been religiously going to my Crossfit class 2x a week so maybe I traded some fat loss for muscle gain which would account for the scale not really moving but having some sort of change in my appearance. I don't know. I guess I should just accept it but the mental gymnastics this weight loss thing requires is much more complicated than I'd anticipated. My dad has been away since March and is coming back next month and apparently my grandmother told him about my supposed grand transformation. Gee thanks, no pressure there, grandma! Not to say that my dad won't think I look different but I'm nervous that he'll be expecting me to look a certain way and I won't meet that expectation. I'm 5'4.....I still have a good 60lbs to go to get to a normal range and personally, I'd like to lose another 75lbs. I know my weight has been a family conversation for years but usually I'm not privy to them as I had asked everyone to back off a long time ago. Being the center of the conversation again, even on the positive side is not pleasant.

So this post is a bit whiny (people are saying I've lost weight and look good....wah!) so I'll end with something a bit more upbeat. I'm planning on visiting my friend in Naples, Italy in November and she's a photographer. I've seen her take amazing pictures of people and make everyone look good and I asked her to shoot me but when I last visited her (3 years ago), she couldn't point the camera at me in anyway without me feeling uncomfortable. But this time I'm at my lowest weight ever and I look forward to getting some good pictures out of her so it's a good incentive to stick to my diet as much as possible and get some amazing pics out of the deal. Dieting for a photo shoot....how far I have come