I get a new doctor and he does not treats me fair.

He agrees to give me ultram for back pain, I dont have to lose weight.

And pretty much I dont.

He checks me for diabeties and I have it.

HUMMM I wonder why that witch never checked it.???

With this doctor, I have a new phobia called NEVEr tell the doctor your in pain. Hide it at all costs.

There would be days at the doctors where I would get this pain in my back and sit and hold it forever and if the nurse asked if I was ok I would say "oh my back is hurting alittle" no big deal" and when alone I would go crazy and then i would walk as normally to my car as possible and then collapse and cry my head off and go home and be bedridden for two days..

I said enough to keep the untram, but no more.

I was scared to death of being dismissed and ridiculed and NOT cared for again. This was very stupid. I fell alot and I got hurt alot and I hid it all.

I become more and more crippled and gained weight.

I end up unable to work and sent to the jobs program in the welfare system.

I am scared. I am trying to hide the fact that I am in excrusiating pain.

It was like the most important thing to be.. to hide my pain and problems.

I couldnt stand anyone seeing me as a loser, a fat cripple, a broken women. I rather suffer than show it.

(now I show it, I dont care)

Well they noticed. They sent me to the voc doctor again and she told them I was disabled and not to make me do anything.

They made me apply for SSI

This day was the worst day of my life.

I didnt want to apply for disabilty. I didny know what it was and I didnt want to. All I knew is that I SURE AND THE HELL WASNT to be one to get disabilty.

I was completely bent, couldnt think of a single job i could do. At this point even sitting in chairs wasnt possible for very long.

I was disabled. I was.

But to apply for disability is admitting your the ultimate failer...

My fat brought me to this point and it was too hard to admit that.

This was the most depressed I have ever been.

No one made me do anything..I was 'awainting disabilty"

I became 400 pounds in this meaningless existance

THEN.. ANOTHER Lesson.. The DISABILY thing became My chance at life and weight loss again..

I had to get the dissability, to get the back pay, to pay for the gastric bypass.. TO GET OFF OF disabilty.

It was a plan.. BUT it took a long long time.

About 5 years.

In the meantime my doctor left and I got assigned Dr. MOORE and he was so cruel to me that his nurse turned him in, people called me, I testified on the phone and then i was notified that he had been reprimanded.

Becasue of this I got a special doctor at a fancy clinic.

He checked my back right away and I was herniated and had sciatica and he said it was like that a long time.

YEAH, ever since I QUIT school and began to complain to my doctors.

WHY DID NO ONE EVER CHECK MY BACK??

Sheesh

So yeah.. 5 years, cuz I had shabby doctors..

I rememebr times when I wished the SSi would NOT go through, so I would get MORE money when it went through the next time...

I needed at leaste 15,000

Well i found out that medicare would cover my gastric bypass and all I had to do was wait. Find doctors and go to all the pre stuff.. so I did