Hi, everyone! Hope everyone had a great weekend and is doing well on this beautiful, hot summer day. This past weekend I have been doing a lot of soul searching about commitment and why I seem to be stuck for the past month when I felt I was doing everything right. The first 6-7 months after surgery I did well with my weight loss, I lost 1-2 lbs per week, had 2 fills, 1 unfill. I failed to exercise regularly as my doctor told me because I was not motivated, so basically the weight in the beginning dropped at a fast rate. But I weighted 248 lbs, 5'1" tall. (check out my photos I was quite the little butter ball) I ate around 800-1000 calories a day and tracked what I ate. I used the lap band web site, watched the videos, logged my foods, read everything I could get my hands on and participated in the forums. I was committed. I thought. Then I got comfortable, I looked better, felt better,and like I said things were going well. Then the weight slowed down, but I was still losing, so I started using the expensive treadmill I bought for Christmas, 2 or 3 days a week. I had pretty good restriction after my first fill, I had too much restriction with my second fill and they removed less than .4 of a cc. Some days I feel restricted, some days I can eat what ever I want. So over the past few weeks I asked myself, " Diane are your really committed to this journey, are you in it for the long haul" Boy is that an eye opening question. My answer is yes! So I had to recommit to why I started this journey, I look a lot better now, but seriously, I am still obese. Just not as obese as I was 8 months ago. I can wear a size 14 but a size 14 today is probably not what a size 14 was years ago. Let's face it guys as a society we have all gotten larger and so the designers have made the sizes fuller to growwwwwwww, with us. Sorry just a little play on words there. But honestly, I was fat so I feel I have the right to talk about myself and have an opinion. So how do I make sure I can keep this commitment to myself, because honestly in the past at about this time I start getting Bord with things and fat Diane would seem to resurface. I cannot let this happen this time, or maybe I should say I WILL not allow this to happen this time. So this is what I did this weekend to try and figure out why I seem to be sorta stuck, lose a pound, gain a pound, loss two pounds, gain one pound, loss nothing.

What I committed to a month ago.

1. 2 weeks ago I joined curves, and I am proud to say I have went 4 days a week since I started. I got my curve smart key today and boy I thought I had been working out, well now I am really working out. 2. I committed to blogging and being honest with all of you, I have kept that commitment also, I make every attempt to blog my feelings at least weekly and I read the other blogs and comment to lend encouragement and honesty to others. Many of you have encouraged me, some directly and some indirectly. I find even though I have never met any of you formally, we all share so many experiences and we can learn so much form each others successes and failures.

3. I committed to writing down all of my food and not snacking between meals," the graze thing" boy I think this has been the hardest. I tired using the lap band web site to record and this wasn't working well for me, when I was at work I would write my food down and try and log it to the web site in the evenings. I wasn't always consistent. I had post it notes all over my office with bits of info on them of what I had eaten daily. I tried drinking protein for breakfast, no between meal snacks, increasing my protein, watching my carbs, looking at my fats, etc, etc. I thought about getting a fill so I would eat less, but realized over the 4th, I may not have total restriction but I was not listening to my band. I had fallen into the crutch of wanting my band to do the work not me.

Now let;s face it guys, I loved food, I love to cook, I love to eat because no one gets as big as I did by just cheating a little. Seriously! Sorry for digressing.

Like I said logging the food on the lap band site was not working well for me so by reading the forums' blogs and internet searches I found some answers I am going to try. Saturday, I did a lot of Internet searches; How many calories should a lap band patient eat?, How much protein should a lap band patient eat? How many carbohydrates should a lap band patient eat? How many calories do I need to decrease to lose 1 lbs a week? How many fewer calories do I need to eat to lose 2 pounds a week? What drives the metabolism, How do you jump start your metabolism? I am not sure but I am sure I did a few more I have forgot about by now. So what did I find, lots and lots of information. So what now? I think the best site I found, was right here on our own blogs. www.myfitnesspal.com The site is free, you plug in your height, weight and your life style. (Now be honest about the life style) You can tweak the protein to what we should eat, and there is a mobile application that you can use on your droid, I-phone, I-touch or blackberry. It is free, it will allow you to add stuff that isn't in the data base, build a recipe and calculate your servings. It tells you how much you should loss based on what you eat and exercise. Honestly, not sure what the long term result will be but it will also allow me to run a report I can take to my nutritionist for her to evaluate at my next visit. It adds your exercise points back in but I have decided to eat these for now to see how the next few weeks go. So what have I learned about myself over the past 72 hours, I am OCD big time. But I need to be OCD or I will never make it for the long haul. I have to hold myself accountable, I can not expect anyone else to do that for me. I can not lie to my self and I can not expect the band to do all the hard work. Some of the work is changing my own thought process about food and how I cope with life. Do I have restriction, yes if I listen to my band and to what I was taught. Eat off a small plate, cut my food into bite size pieces, chew each piece 20-30 times, lay my fork down between bites, eat at the dinner table NOT in front of the TV. If I finish my food under 20 minutes give my brain time to catch up with my stomach oh and lastly make healthy food choices and eat protein first. Now if I do all of those things I do have restriction and I am satisfied for 3-4 hours. Question is, do I feel full? The answer to that is no, but I feel satisfied with what I eat. I still measure all my food, eating 2-3 ozs. of protein at each meal, learning that a serving of vegetables is really 1/2 cup except lettuce of course. I will probably measure my food for the rest of my life because obviously I do not understand serving sizes.

So guys I challenge all of you to commit to your self. Think about why you did this, it should have been for you. You are the only person you have to be honest with, you are the only person who knows what you put in your mouth everyday. You are the only one who really can answer the question."ARE YOU REALLY COMMITTED TO THE LONG HAUL?" We will have good days, great days, bad days and totally sucky days? We will lose weight, we will gain weight, we will stay neutral but what matters most is our honesty to ourselves and our commitment to change how we use food, how we think about food and taking this one day at a time.I am committed or maybe I need to be committed some days I am not sure but I will say, I am so glad I had the surgery, I am thankful for this support forum and last but not least I LovetheNewMe!

Have a great week and believe in yourself because "YOU" are worth it!

Edit note: (p.s. I learned by logging my food that I may not be eating enough consistently and maybe my body is going into starvation mode. I will keep you posted if I lose anything over the next week. I started tracking every morsel on Saturday the 9th of July. So crossing my fingers ) Try out the web site it is pretty neat and I got the idea from reading one of our blogs. :iloveuall: