The Food Blues & Why I'm Not Crying Over It
Well, I can honestly say that I've been much more irratible these last couple of months. No, I take that back. I was great for the first 3 weeks and then something changed in me that made me become the way that I am now. I think that the realization of the fact that I can't eat is getting to me. Oh, I can eat just fine (trust me) but I can't eat whenever and whatever I want to. I never realized just how much I truly crave food. And I'm not talking about that fuit nonsense. I'm talking about FOOD! Driving past a Chinese restaurant just about kills me. And then even looking at a Pizza Hut...well, you better start digging my grave now! Then again, before I had this surgery I had no self control. On my drive home on Saturday nights (about 12am) I would stop in at Pizza Hut, get a large stuffed crust pizza and eat *almost* the whole thing in one sitting. I used to go get chinese takeout almost every single day off that I had because it made me feel good... I had extremely poor eating habit before May 18, 2011. No wonder I was 316 lbs when I got this surgery done. And now (July 8, 2011) I can proudly say that I'm 262 lbs. I mean, for most people that's still a lot of weight. Sure, I know that. But I've got to remember where I started from. I started over 300 lbs and that was less than 2 months ago. And now I'm almost in the 50's. It still blows me away.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone at night, I just want to pull over and eat. I've been feeling a bit depressed about it because I can't do that. I can't just pull into a McDonald's and have a large Reese's McFlurry (Extra Reese's of course!). Or my parents have a friend that loves to cook. Sometimes he comes over and makes the best smelling and tasting food you could ever imagine. Just staring at the rice and the curried chicken makes my mouth water right now. And I find it funny that my parents ask me what's wrong while they are eating dinner. Yes, my attitude changes, but mostly because I'm trying not to listen to them rave about how good their meal is while I'm eating boiled veggies.
But then there are days like today that I feel great. Honestly, I was so proud of myself when I stepped onto that scale this morning. I wasn't quite sure what it was going to read because I did splurge and have a little extra yesterday, but the scale stayed steady. So far, a lot of this work has been because of me. I've only had 1 fill so far and I didn't feel much of a difference. I'm hungry all the time and know that I can eat alot still. However, the band has given me something that I haven't ever had before: will power. The band is the only thing that makes me want to stay focused. Without it, I would have never gotten this far. I'm a size 18 - coming from a tight 22. This band is giving me the confidence that I never knew existed before.
So yes, sometimes being banded can feel like the heaviest burden a person can have. There are so many restrictions - and a lot of it revolves around the only thing that I know/ do best: eating. I can't eat when I'm sad. I can't eat when I'm angry. And that's usuallly when I want to eat the most!
But the true question is here: Do I regret my decision of getting it done? And my answer is a big, fat: NO! I will never regret that I got it done!! No matter how much I complain, and complain, and complain...this band had changed my life for the better. I'm walking out of the house and not looking at my shoes. I'm feeling better about myself as I'm walking through the mall. I'm shopping at places that I'd never even considered before. I'm feeling great when going to the gym. I'm the happiest that I've been in probably my whole life. I will BEAT this disease! I will be the one to bury it, not the other way around.
So here's my question to you::::: Do YOU regret having it done?
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