Soo..

One day I am sent to a vocational doctor.. and I take the chance to run by her my proposal for ultram and how It will help me get my life back and lose weight and such,

She thinks its a GREAT idea. But she cant prescibe them due to the ins rules.

She has examined me thoughoughly.. she has talked to me and touched and checked me more at that time than my regular doctor ever did.

I tell her what my doctor has done. I cry knowing she will never give them to me.

She said, You let me take care of that, She gave me a referrall and said to take it to my doctors. It said that I was severely limited in mobility and that she reccomends me to have 6 ultram a day"

I did.. She laughed at it, like it was fake or something. GRRRRR

I got her to contact the voc doctor and she came back with a two page fax and a scowl on her face.

She was pissed.. She was out for my blood and this is what she said.

"OK.. YOu are getting what you want. I hope your happy now that you got your way"

"6 ultram a day? I DONT THINK SO... you can have 4 a day"

"you will have to come in every two weeks to pick up your prescription from this office, it cannot be called into the pharmacy"

(not true, that was her rule)

"I want to see you every two weeks as well.. I want to see the look on your face"

Suddenly..

I had to come in every two weeks and weigh myself.

I HAD TO LOOSE 10 pounds a month OR ELSE I would NOT get anymore pills. I had to bring in a journal of the food I ate for the week"

"YOU think this pill will save your life and make you super women.. then proove it.. IFyour twice as active as you claim to be than the weight should fall off. "

"I need proof that this pill is working for you. I refuse to prescribe it for pain. I am prescribing it for you to lose weight. IF it fails to end in weight loss than I will not prescribe these to you ever again"

"ITs all up to you now. You wanted them, you have convinced yourself and lets see you try to convince me"

"If you keep up the loss of 10 pounds a month, I will continue to give them to you.. IF NOT.. THEY ARE GONE!"

"I dont want you to blame me either... dont come crying to me, this is your chance.. May i suggest you try the prism diet, I lost 15 pounds and it was really hard but if I can do it, you can do it"

CRAZY BITCH comparing a 130 pound women to a 350 pound one.

Needless to say... I was obsessed with loosing the weight..

I didnt care as much about loosing weight as I cared about being mobile and normal again. But I had to push hard to lose the 5 pounds every two weeks. It was so stressfull to have your life hangin in the balance contingent on weather you lose weight when you failed all your life to lose.

First month easy. She loved to make fun of my journals.

second month I was down by one pound and she let it slide. WHEW

Third month..I lost 7 pounds the first half and in the second half I was in a major car crash and couldnt walk for a week..

I didnt lose the weight and I gained 2 pounds, making my loss neggative by 6 pounds. I couldnt exersize as I had been.

She said the car crash was an excuse. (I had proof, it was bad, I was black and blue all over my stomach and legs and shoulddres)

I had lost 25 pounds in three months.. slow and steady..

And she yanked me.

I was devestated.

So.. I saught another doctor and when I did, she told them I was a drug seeker. I had refused to sign narcotic release forms and I didnt comply with perscribed care.

I had NEVEr had any pills cept ultram and I only got them twice a month and on my periods (I had only once every 2 to 3 months)

I had never claimed to loose them, never asked for more.

I HAD NOT DONE ANYTHIGN at all, that could possibly show drug seeking.

She had NEVER asked me to sign anything.

And not complying with care is NOT loosing 25 pounds in three months?

New doctors did not care about getting facts and proof, they automatically got this look and belevied her on her word.

I was humiliated and felt so wronged

THEN SHe sends me a certified letter saying she is releasing me from her care becasue I got agressive with her and I treated her nursing staff rudely and I didnt comply with care. The next report used the words Abusive instead of aggressive.

I never yelled, I never left my seat, I didnt motion at her, I didnt slam a door, I didnt stomp, alll I ever did was cry and try to explain myslef.

I always felt inferiour and affraid of her..

I was in no way rude to the nurses. I was always nice. They took me to weigh my self and I would chit chat about how I hoped I made the weight.

I had to go into crisis counseling after this. I was affraid of finding a doctor and I was crippled again.

NOW I am back to the WLS story.