Wow.. time is flying by and life has just been crazy. The day of my surgery my grandmother was found unconscious on her bathroom floor and ended up in ICU. I spent 6 weeks by her side, in the hospital, until she passed away on May 9th. That was rough. I've never been an emotional eater, but I went through a phase in which I didn't care, I was incredibly depressed and I wanted to eat everything in sight and didn't care what that meant for me or my weight. My husband and I split up in April and will be divorced by the end of this month. Things have been crazy.

Anyway, back to the band. There wasn't any saline placed in my band at the time of surgery, so the only restriction I had felt was in the beginning and only due to the swelling immediately post-op (I could only have a couple sips of milk before feeling full). Around my birthday, about 7 weeks post-op, I went to dinner with friends. I ordered a healthy meal totaling around 390 calories - roasted potatoes, broccoli, and (what I thought was really tender..) steak. I cut the steak in small pieces, it was very moist and tender, and ate small bites. I figured that I didn't have any restriction, so it should all go down fine. Everything went down just fine, but around 1:00 the next morning I started feeling an incredible pain underneath my strenum. I didn't think too much of it, figured it was gas trapped in there or something, and I went to sleep. I woke up around 6:00am and the pain had increased exponentionally. Labored, painful breathing, accompanied by a radiating ache from my sternum, around my right side and straight through to the center of my back. I was sure that my band had slipped, but I wasn't experiencing any of the "common" symptoms; I wasn't nauseous and hadn't experienced any vomiting. As the pain increased, I decided to go straight to the emergency room, instead of phoning a doctor. The ride to the hospital was terrible, but the pain began to slowly die down while waiting to be seen. The doctor ordered an x-ray to check placement of the band and the results were perfect, no apparent slippage - I was so relieved. My labs showed elevated LFT and another result, which I can't remember the name of, but something that indicated there may be something wrong with my gallbladder, so they ordered an ultrasound. The results came back fine and I was given a "cocktail" of maalox mixed with lidocaine, and sent home. I was so embarassed. I was horrified, thinking that I did this to myself with the previous night's dinner, and that there was a possibility of having my band removed or something, haha. I was so upset and scared.

I visited my doctor the following week for my 8 week check-up and first scheduled fill. My weight hadn't changed, at all, from my 10 day post-op visit, to my 8 week. I was a little disappointed, but knew that I could only blame myself. While I had been working out consistently, I had experienced a lot of weakness when it came to my diet. The surgeon placed 2cc in my band and I spoke with my dietician and was on my way. They scheduled my 6 month appointment, but didn't mention when I could come back for a second fill, so I'll need to call. The 24 hours or so following my fill, I could feel the tightness once again, I was so excited, but it didn't last long. I was able to eat about a cup of scrambled egg beaters the next morning, which I thought was a bit much. Obviously, I haven't been pushing the limits with it, I don't want to know what it feels like to eat too much, or to cause the band to slip. But I haven't really felt full at all and I am incredibly hungry all the time. Maybe most of it is head hunger, but between meals I am constantly craving snacks.. graham crackers with peanut butter have been my weakness - at least that's not too unhealthy, right? I haven't weighed myself in at least a week, but last time I checked I was exactly 40lbs down from my highest weight ever (January). I seem to have hit a plateau, but hope that my fill has at least encouraged a few more pounds, though it doesn't seem to have changed much. I'm going to call and see when I can schedule my next fill and hope that it's soon.

I've lost at least one pants size and my face, waist, and stomach have gotten noticably smaller. I am feeling a bit better already, my knees don't crack when I squat down and don't hurt as much and as often as they did 40lbs ago. Honestly, I am a bit disappointed with everything, I thought I would have lost more weight by now, but I know that I only have myself to blame. I haven't been as hard on myself as I thought. One thing that did cause me to slip up and cheat was reading things on here. I read an entry by someone who had been recently banded. They stated that they were able to eat whatever they wanted and it didn't cause any problems, even with fluid in the band. Having the knowledge of such a possibility is not a good thing at times of weakness. My self-control has really come into play during this process and I'm learning a lot about myself. I hope that I grow stronger and am able to completely change my lifestyle.