Be patient with me...first blog I have ever written

Well a lot has gone on in my life recently. And although I am not one to reveal all of my business in the public eye and of course be vulnerable, I have learned that many of you on this site are truly supportive. I feel the need to write a little bit about what I have been going through for the past several months...

Like many of you I have been overweight it seems like my entire life. There were times in which I had lost weight, felt great, and looked good. Well, here I am, only 30 years old facing the hardest decision of my life. People who know me probably would not understand this as I had my son at a very young age, 14 and my second son at 21, was able to be a great parent to them, finish high school, go on to college right away, graduate and have become pretty successful overall. I have been through so many things in my life which on the outside appear to be much more complex than my decisions today. In the past I have had boyfriends and husband who physically, emotionally and financially abused me, but all the while managed to keep the kids away from it, and left. I say all this to tell you the following... I underwent 2 back surgeries in my lower back, my lumbar spine at the same level I had two discectomies about 5 years ago. I felt great even lost 45 lbs last year and thought I could do everything on my own. I began to slowly pack on the pounds again and in February of this year, 2011, I fell suddenly on ice and things progressively got worse. Now at the age of 30, when I am suppose to be young and energetic, playing with my boys and excited about the future I am now faced with these decisions.

After I fell I progressively got worse, my right leg was going numb, my back in major pain, I bent over twice and got "stuck" in that position and was in agony for the next few days. I went back to the doctor who did some testing including an MRI, nothing was on my nerve, thought this was great news...that night both of my legs stopped working for what seemed like an eternity, maybe 30 minutes to an hour, I swore I was paralyzed forever. Come to find out that because of this fall my back was now unstable and will most likely need a fusion. My doc referred me to an ortho surgeon. This ortho surgeon took a look at my tests, but never physically examined me and said yes you need a fusion, but you need to have physical therapy first to see if it works. I thought that this would be great I'll show them...I will get better with PT, boy was I WRONG, I got even worse. So bad that at the end of my 3rd week of the 6 weeks, my physical therapist told me I needed to go back to my ortho. So bad that my supervisor pulled me to the side and said that I needed to take action that I was looking like I needed to be off of work and gave me the name of her ortho as I complained that mine was not listening to my complaints. Well her surgeon was great and figured if they were going to tell me I needed a fusion which is very involved I would want at least 2 to 3 opinions. He put me off of work, luckily I have great benefits and although I'm a single mom, I am still getting paid. With the first surgeon, he referred me for an epidural steroid injection, that did not give me any relief at all really. The second surgeon did a whole slew of tests and yes actually looked at my back and where I was complaining. This surgeon also concurred that I needed surgery, but interestingly he recommended that I have a choice, I can either have the surgery (but my family lives 1000 miles away so 3 months of recovery would not be fun) OR lose a "significant amount of weight and gain core strength for my muscles to take on the work of my spine" So here I am, I am applying for lap band. If my insurance doesn't cover it, I cannot get it. One would think that in order to save money it would be a "no brainer" to the insurance company to pay for a lapband vs. lumbar fusion. We shall see. Either way my weight loss is needed, with a long family history of Type II diabetes and back surgeries I will need to do it.

In addition to the above, I found out I developed something called Cushing's Syndrome from the injection I recevied. I found this out as now I have developed a "buffalo hump" which is a large osteoporosis type bulge at the top of my back now. Although I am larger, I have always been beautiful (well so I have been told). To be 30, single, and have this hump on my back which is a result of the over production in my body of the hormone Cortisol, this too can only be taken away with weight loss and a reduction of steroid medicaion.

So I say all this, on the day of my discogram this morning, which was pure agony, to say that I went into this week believing that if I can get a lapband, I would avoid at least 2 surgeries that have long recovery periods and regain my life back for my children and myself.