I can't believe it's been 5 months since my last blog entry...thought I'd be better about keeping it up. So...I didn't starve in India....in fact I may have lost a pound or so. That mostly vegetarian diet started doing my head in though....I am not meant to give up meat!

It's cute to see me so excited about weighing 219.8 in a previous entry. I'm glad I got there and enjoyed that moment but I realize now that it's still so far from "normal". I made it down to about 213 and then got stuck again. Holiday season and general job stress kept me there for months. While in India, a coworker told me about her sister-in-law who was trying a new workout method....Crossfit. Everything she told me about it sounded like what i needed.....group classes where the coach actually got to know you and paid attention to your workouts, a combination of strength as well as metabolic conditioning exercises, a gym that emphasizes community, not just impersonally walking on a treadmill for an hour. It took me a few months after coming back to check it out but I took their Foundations class and liked it so much, I signed up for the 2x a week plan. I would eventually like to get up to 3x or even 4x a week, but Crossfit isn't your typical workout and when you were/are as out of shape as I am, you have to build up skills and strength before going whole hog. Work has been so stressful lately (which also isn't helping my weight loss) that I struggle to make it 2x a week (their beginner classes are only offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays) but the more I go, the more I enjoy so I plan to keep at it.

Crossfit makes you painfully aware of how unfit you are and it also made me painfully aware that one of the ways I was going to get better at it , besides consistently attending class, was to lose weight. Funny how that's been my endeavor for my whole life and a bigger focus in the last 2 years but it took taking on a very physically demanding workout to really make that fact stand out. I started dieting again this week....a very strict and challenging diet...and immediately lost 5 lbs this week. I know that some of that is just water weight but my snug size 16 Lane Bryants from November started to feel loose this week. I caught myself hiking them up a couple of times and seeing some extra material around the thigh area. Signs of progress but....I still ended up slipping this weekend and eating forbidden junk food and sweets. I'm lucky to work somewhere where there are healthy prepared food choices 5 days a week, making it much easier to follow this plan but clearly, I am unprepared for weekends. And as I am actively looking for another job, once I lose access to their food, will I slip again?

A friend of mine has been posting blast from the past pictures this week from a time when we were spending a lot of time together. I didn't let a lot of pictures get taken of me at my largest but somehow, she got quite a few shots in. It's shocking to see how big I was....and walking around like I wasn't! Was it confidence? Or complete denial? I think the latter. And while they are tough pictures to look at, they make me proud too....I'm glad I didn't shut myself off from living....even at my largest, I was out there grooving on the dance floor, going to weddings and concerts, and enjoying life. And I'm also happy that I don't look like that anymore...they are a good reminder of the progress I have made. So even when I see myself now and know I still have so far to go....there's photographic evidence of how far I have come as well. Here's to keeping up the good fight....no matter how long it takes.

To sum up this blog entry....weight - somewhere around 207-208 (depending on the time of day), mood - unsure if I can keep eating the way that will truly take me to goal. But looking forward to Crossfit which represents progress.