Went to the doctor today- felt great to be there, but was seriously having panic attacks for a week in anticipation of what was to come of this appointment.

My Story:

I was banded on 5/20/08- just 3 years ago. I had a great start to the program. I was eating less, working out, feeling so Great about myself. "Onederland" was quickly approaching...

Then STOP!!!!!

1. I took a trip back 'home' to NY for 2 weeks- old habits came rushing back
2. Came home and got a fill because I had gained a few pounds- making me TOO tight
3. Husband lost his job
4. I lost my job
5. My Grandmother dies
6. Depression sets in- TRIGGER- bringing on Panic Attacks
7. I stop taking care of myself- no vitamins, no water, eating carbs, snacking at night on Bad things

Needless to say- I went completely out of control. Wound up in the hospital with kidney stones. Blamed everyone and everything but myself... I EVEN HAD MY BAND EMPTIED OUT FOR 8 MONTHS!!!!!! I wound up gaining back 38 of the 78 I had lost.

Moving On:

A girl I work with had her band put in this past December. She's going through everything I went through that first year. The losing weight, exercising, shrinking out of her clothes, the compliments, the all around Great feeling!!! I want what she has again..............

I decided to stop fooling around- get serious. I went back to the doctor today to start over. Feeling nervous as ever- I put my tail between my legs and went in.

Brian was Great! He sat with me and talked and is getting me on the path to recovery. My 14cc band now hold 7.6cc's. When I hit my sweet spot 2 years ago, I was sitting at 10cc's.... we're going to get there slowly. My appointments will be weekly for a while so I can hold myself accountable for my actions. My work-outs will start tonight. I'm excited to get back into the swing of things even though my journey feels like its going to take forever.

I'm praying that I can make each and every day count...