Last night I had to go shopping for something to wear to a company function. A very nice dinner at a very expensive restaurant to celebrate employees who have been with the company for 15 years or more (My husband has the 15 years, I just celebrated my 13th with the same company). I HATE shopping . . . absolutely hate it. I hate that I wear a size 24, or 3X. I hate that everything I try on looks like an something my grandmother would wear. I hate that everything "dressy" has sparkles and rhinestones on it. Is that supposed to draw the eye away from how fat I am? I hate that what ever is fashionable does not come in a size 24, or everything is in "Petites". Don't fashion people know that some fat people are tall? I'm 5' 8" and weight 285lbs. There isn't a single article of clothing that has ever been created that looks good on someone that size. So I settled for some stupid outfit that yells "Look at me . . . I'm fat". So when we go to dinner tonight, I'll look at the other people there who have a shape other than "round" and feel extrremely inferior. Oh well, it's how I'm used to feeling.

I can't wait to see Dr. Scott on Monday. If my insurance doesn't pay for this, I still have the ability to pay cash for the surgery (thank GOD).

My husband and I talked a lot Thursday evening. I was very blunt and honest about my feelings. He cried and said he didn't realize how much I was hurting. He is scheduled to have lasik surgery on January 5th, and when I told him that was when I was hoping to have my surgery, he said he would reschedule or even cancel his. I can't let him do that because this has been his dream for 10 years. My dream of being slimmer and healthier has been going on for over 20. At least his is scheduled and everything is settled. My surgery will happen . . . I just don't know when.