don't beat yourself down that hard, the first step in your 12 step program you mentioned, or even any program, is "Denial" and you seem to pass to 2nd step which is "Acceptance" so you are doing good, only 10 steps to go (sorry, that is not funny), but at least you are making progress right?

You seem in pretty good condition in my personal point of view, but I am not going to lie to you either me losing 140lbs already makes total attitude change, I still have another 60 to go but at least we are making progress. Hope we can still exchange encouragement messages.

Ciao bella

p.s. and I am sure your hubby still in love with you, if you do this do it for the right reasons. Whatever those might be.

Thank you for the kind words

You are a beautiful person who knows there is a problem and you are making every effort to change your situation. Change does not happen over night so don't be so hard on yourself. It's going to take time to reach your goal(s), but stay focused on the things you want to change. Seven months ago I was 325 pounds and today thank God I am 268 lighter. I have never felt so good in a very long-long time. Most of all of my clothes are too big and I need to buy some more, but that small victory is a blessing that I have prayed for many years. Always remember slow and steady wins the race! You are doing it just believe in yourself!

YOU SAY FAT LIKE IT'S A BAD THING! Being fat does not make you a bad person or a failure, yes it's bad for your health, but you are who you are, fat or not. I was Banded to get healthy, I made peace wih being fat a long time ago. Be ok with who you are,yes decide to lose weight, yes get healthy, but you are ok no matter what anyone else says. You are the same soldier, wife, mother and friend you have always been. You are entitled to have pitty parties now and then, but do not hold yourself down. Enjoy, life is short.

this makes me sad... but it is also so familiar.. " you care the weight well" and my daughter putting her hand on my belly and asking " if i am going to have twins again??" OUCH!!

Chin up..you are here now doing something about it!!! I have been fortunate to have the support of my family and specially my Husband that always tells me i am beautifull and sexy to him.

I have been banded since sept 2009 and have only lost 50 lbs from the 100 lbs i need to loose. I cannot blame it on the band failing...it more like me failing myself by slaking off on the work out and eating here and there.

Anywyas, I wish you luck and i hope you get what you want.

I can relate. I had/have this image in my head of what I am supposed to look like and I guess over time I just began to see only that. I think it is like people that lie too much begin to believe all the crap they say themselves. Im the back of my mind I knew how big I had become and I took comfort in people telling that I didnt look over 300 lbs. Now that I think about it people said that a lot with out me talkling about my weight....

I knew I was fat, I just didnt want to see it. I skipped a trip I had been looking forward to for months to see my old roommates from when I was in the Navy because I thought if they saw me they would think I was a failure because they knew me when I was thin. In fact, that is the only time of my life I was thin. I have always been big and I just straved myself in the Navy to be normal like everyone else. When I tell people I was in the military they all pause and look me up and down and I feel crushed. It is like they dont believe me so I just stopped talking about something I was proud of because of that very reaction.

Aww you guys.. here I am having my pity party and seems there are other people that feel this way. Yeah, I know I am a bit hard on myself - but I feel like I have to be. No one else is going to discipline me, if I don't.

@ Aro - your words cut to my heart. I suppose women are a bit more cruel when it comes to judging but I know men do it too. I am ashamed to tell people I was a soldier... and worse if they ask "how long ago was that?". Wow. Really?

@ Everyone - I thought I could have some "fat accpetance" but just can't get my mind around it. I feel like people stare at me everywhere I go. They must think, "Oh that poor girl. She is out of control". *sigh* But it is so much worse when your friends and family judge you. They remember this thin, fit girl.. then they see me. My own child thinks I am "sooo big". Ugh. I want to lose weight for her too. yes, for me, but for her too. I want to run and play with my daughter. I want to fit in the chair at the school when she has a recital. I want her to say my mom is soo pretty instead of my mom is sooo big.

Food has become my enemy. I don't even like the smell of food anymore. Things that tasted good, no longer offer that console. I want the band to help me - help myself. Does that make sense?

I need that extra edge to fight this war. Dieting alone is like fighting a war with a limited number of bullets.. [motivation]... once my bullets are gone, I will lose the war.

Honey, be kind to yourself because change first starts within your mind and the thought process your develop creates your future actions. You are on your way!

Everyones post make me want to cry! I know exactly how you and everyone else feels. My daughter once said that she loved my tummy because it was as "big as the moon" *sigh* kids say the darnest things! The lapband does not cure the thoughts in our head. I am at goal weight and still have days where I think im still fat. I still double check a mirror when i walk by to make sure that really is me. I second guess some clothes I buy because I can't believe that I can actually wear those cloths now. You must do exactly what Shonette said, "be kind to yourself because change first starts within your mind and the thought process your develop creates your future actions".

Much luck to you!