I have been on this WLS journey for a long time. My best friend had it in 1997 and ever since then, I have wanted it, tried to get approved and educated myself about WLS. During that time I joined the Army and they gave my Butt Kick - errr - Boot Camp WLS. Needless to say exercising 6 hours a day led to extreme weight loss. Shortly after I got out of the Army (4 long skinny years later) I found myself fat again. Old habits die hard. Sad face. Today I am educating myself more than I have ever done because I am going through the WLS approval phase [again]. I want to make the best choices and do things right. I do not want to mess up and fall back into my old ways. I know WLS is not a cure but I need it as a tool to help me make better decisions.

Anthem uses www.lapbandoflouisville.com surgeons for WLS. This is good and bad. Good because that is all they do, Lap Band. No other focus or specialty. Bad because it is a 45 min drive into the city for each visit. I will go to my briefing on March 1 and LBoL said they will do the leg work through Anthem. I mentioned before that this is completely different than how Kaiser did things. But I am stressed out enough and if LBoL can do most of the leg work for me, well I am happier than a pig in mudd.

Concerns -

What if I fail again? I am scared, no lie there. I know my willpower is non-exsistent. This is a No-Go with WLS. I cannot depend on WLS to do everything for me. I need to take responsibility and that is hard!

What about my Thyroid disease? I have heard of people with Hypothyroidism getting ood results with the LapBand but I have a hard time believing it. I need PROOF! How is it that restricting my food will kickstart my thyroid into working again? Scared. Very scared.

In the closet - No, I'm not gay but my surgery (or desire to have surgery) is in the closet to most everyone. I have 2 dear friends, 1 post op and 1 pre op that are my cheerleaders. They are amazing and they motivate me to push for approval. I am tired of disappointment and worried about failure. Both for myself and anyone that knows my desires to get approved.

Enough for now. I will update again soon.

BTW I am thinking of trying the POST OP DIET for a couple days to see if I can really stick to it. I need to build my willpower back up! Wish me luck.

(X posted from my OH.com journal)