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The bad with the good

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Seanamw

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OK, so I have been avoiding my blog for a while. Why? Because I don't have my normal "everything is going great" things to write. Truth is, I have not been a good bandster for a while....learned how to eat & drink around the band. So, in trying to break old habits, I am going to put my bad stuff out there instead of hiding from it and pretending it doesn't exist. So where to start....one example; I found that I have trouble with grilled chicken breast, gets stuck easily and can be painful. Then I found that chicken in a burrito with beans & bad bad cheese doesn't give me any problems. So I am back at my favorite Mexican place that helped get me to over 240 in the first place. I have also found that if dinner gives me issues, the wine I have with it doesn't so having a liquid dinner is getting a little too easy. I have also slacked off with exercising. I have gained 4 pounds for the first time since being banded. Not the direction I need to go.

 

So why? What the heck, WHY? I KNOW better for crying out loud! I am 20...no wait, now make that 24...pounds from my goal! The holidays aren't an excuse, I did have a fabulous Thanksgiving and haven't been tempted at parties or anything like that. This is just me not letting me reach my goal. Why? Where is my earlier resolve, that drive I had even before I got banded. Why is the old me rearing it's ugly head again? I surgically altered my body to get rid of that part of me, and she just won't leave! Time to delve a little deeper, time to get back to basics, crap...here I go again. I knew this was a journey when I signed up, I just thought I was stronger this time and wouldn't face so many hills along the way.

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First of all, big hugs. I think we all fall into these moments where we find our bad habits back again. I think it is a normal part of the process. The thing that makes before different from now is that we RECOGNIZE it. We know we aren't doing the right thing so we stop and have to, instead of feeling guilt and becoming paralyzed by it, accept it and make changes the next day. I had Mexican the other day and it was sooo good, but that was it, it was good but it wasn't good for me. I realize that has to be a once in a while thing not an every day thing. There are just certain foods that I love and I have been doing my best to avoid them, but, one day at a time, we need to accept that no matter how perfect we want to be, we are never going to be PERFECT. We are always going to make mistakes in life and falter, four lbs, you can get that back off with a little drive and ambition. So good luck and don't beat yourself up too much.

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Wow oh wow. You sound like me. One thing I have learned big time is to let FAILURE be your TEACHER, not your UNDERTAKER.. I have learned so much about my relationship to food. I didn't even understand I had a relationship to food before I learned it from this site. A lot of relationships are unhealthy and rob you of real happiness. Those relationships usually are driven by self serving, self centered, and a controlling partner. Well my relationship to food was one of compulsion. It was an unhealthy relationship that controlled me and robbed me of my happiness. I centered on food and was driven by it. That relationship lasted for 4 years after the band. Talk about Failure !

Thanks to you, whom first reached out to me and encouraged me when I first found this site and asked for help I have a new resolve and committment to this Band. I am respecting it and all it can and will do for me. I now have a "relationship " with my band. I have acknowledged my band as my healthy partner. That is what I would encourage you to do with me. Find that partnership once again and resolve to commit yourself to healthy eating. I am hanging in there with you. Let's do it inspite of Holidays. Blessings

Dolly

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Thank you to both of you! I love the support I get here! And Disney, wow, I am so proud of you and how far you have come! I have taken your very wise words and will use them! Thank you, so very much!

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