One year and I feel like a failure.....
I got the Lap band on August 19th 2009. The reason why I got it is because, On October 16th 2008 I was let go from my job, where I've been at for 9+yrs. I felt like I needed a life changing, change. I've been big all my life and I need and wanted something new. So, I decided to get the lap band. The first 4 months went good.... But as time went on my confidence got lower and lower. I couldn't find a job and I stopped caring.... As time went on not caring turned into something more, I was depressed for a long time. Couldn't sleep and feed started to be my friend again. I thought I was back on track in July. After a year and a half I found a job.... But that turned into bad news. My boss was a nasty person and she made it hard for me to do my job as well as she wanted me to. So after 90 days she let me go. It hurt but I wasn't going to let her win.
Now that Christmas has rolled its ugly head around, I'm faced with the fact that without a job, my kids won't have what they really want. So I left them no that this year is, hard on me and in time Christmas will be substituted for another day. See every day its hard to get back on track when my life just sucks right now. Its been a year and almost four months since my surgery. I went to the Dr. 2 months ago, and when I got on the scale I was disappointed. I failed..... And it made me not care when the Dr. just rolled his eyes at me. When I'm feeling disappointed and to see him roll his eyes at me. It made me feel like whats the use of trying. He doesn't no what I've been through in the past year and a half.
I'm trying to keep my head up...... Because I no the sun will shine bright on me. My one goal is to lose 100 pounds and I will do it....
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