The actual 1990's were wonderful for me; had both my kids, settled into our home & community, I was happy and will hang on to those memories for the rest of my life. Now the actual 191-199 weight range is another story!

Going up the scale, I remember feeling angry, depressed, ashamed, hopeless and out of control. It all started with the upper 170's and 180's when I had to quit teaching aerobics because of my knees, but that's a whole other good bye yet to come! When I hit 190, I started shopping at Lane Bryant. I would tear the Lane Bryant labels from the clothes as soon as I got home because I was so embarrassed. I started avoiding school outings and social events that I used to love. I have a memory BURNED into my head that makes me cry when I think of it. My son and I were going through old pictures and he found one of him & I in his classroom, we were both smiling, having a blast. He said "We never do this anymore". It hurts just typing this....I probably ate myself into a stupor after that one. I view the 190's as my "gateway" weight...so close to turning back, but instead I propelled myself up to over 240. OK, that was then...this is now

Going down the scale the 190's haven't been so bad. I started out squeezing myself into my old size 14 jeans and now they are loose on me. I get to feeling pretty good, and then I go clothes shopping...then those lovely mirrors remind me I have to keep going and stay on track! I have had so many sweet compliments from people, including my son's 14 year old friends! Who would think they would even notice! I have opened myself up to new friendships (something I hated doing when I was obese) and new experiences. My husband and I are like honeymooners again! I had no idea how much me being obese hurt him. He is just now sharing his feelings (as best a man can lol!). My kids are proud of me.....though they never ever said it, it pains me to think that they weren't for so long.

So, good bye 190's. A large part of my life was wasted with you. I hope I have learned from you and never see you again!

OK, that took me 2 days of contemplation & over an hour & a box of Kleenex to type! Now that I have said a proper good bye, it's off to the gym to battle the 80's!

Thank you God for your love and strength!