So of course I dont like my body. I got the lapband for a reason. As long as I can remember I've been semi-obsessed with losing weight and getting to be "skinny" and fit into skinny jeans etc. I want to look hot and feel hot and be hot. I was always, and still am to a point, jealous of all my skinny friends and all the cute clothes they could wear, and how all the boys liked them and not me. The result this mind set has on me is not really the best ... It makes me feel really discouraged, disappointed and even like I am a failure because I have been overweight since I hit puberty. I used to feel worthless and unlovable because of my size. I've recently come to the realization, even though I have had this head knowledge for a long time, that God loves me just the way I am. He created me in HIS image. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what this stupid PCOS or I have done to my body.

Today during my devotions the ending question/reflection point was to ask God where you have discontentment in your life and for his help to overcome it, come through it, etc. So I was praying and all I could think about is my weight. The verse I read right before the question was talking about how fearfully and wonderfully made we are and we should know it full well. My weight and being fearfully and WONDERFULLY made doesnt really seem like it goes together but I realized it does. God made me fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter my hair color or how I cut my hair, no matter my weight or what clothes I wear. No matter what I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I need to know it full well. It is not about getting down to a certain weight on the scale, or a certain size ... God is not worried about trivial stuff like that. God is more concerned with my heart and of course if I am healthy enough to do His work.

So my new take on everything is that I will not focus on the size I want to be. I will not focus on the scale. I will focus on my health, eating the proper food and in the proper portions. I will focus on being active and keeping my heart and lungs healthy. I will focus on making sure my muscles can do the jobs God has planned for me. I will focus on keeping my body in good condition so when God says go, I can go and not worry about my body not taking me there! How freeing it is to not be tied to the scale or those cute little jeans I saw at the store. How freeing it is to be tied to God We are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made and we should ALL know it full well!!!