TOMORROW IS SURGERY
and I'm scared. Or perhaps anxious is a better word. I have absolute confidence in my surgeon and his team. My boyfriend is a champ and will care for me better than he does his spoiled dog. I've purchased all necessary supplies and food. I have 4 days until I have to go back to work. AND I HAVE TO LEARN TO GET MY FIX FROM SOMETHING OTHER THAN FOOD. I admit it, I've "Iused" food my entire life to deal with every emotion imaginable. I commit to the eating plan my dietician has put forth, I vow to give up slider foods. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I COMMIT TO GIVE UP FOOD AS A PACIFIER WHEN I'M UPSET OR AS ENTERTAINMENT WHEN I'M BORED, AS CELEBRATION WHEN I'M HAPPY, OR FOR ANY OTHER EXTERNAL REASON IMAGINABLE. Food is now fuel, and ME, Laura, am responsible for dealing with emotions. I saw a Russian figure skating coach on tv the other night, and she was shouting at her pupils in a thick boris and natasha accent, "THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW, THE OLD YOU IS DEAD! STEP OVER THE OLD YOU, AND FIND YOUR NEW LIFE. Find your new life, Miss Laura, find your new life.
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