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I have dealt with weight (too much of it!) since about the age of 8 years old. I remember the very first diet that I ever tried was Diet Center. My mom has always been slender and never worried about weight. She could eat anything and everything without worry. My sister and I both struggle. My sister is very petite on top and extremely heavy on the bottom half. I am just big all over. I do not and never will have a small structure.

I have honestly tried everything. I have the ability to lose weight. Slowly at first, but once I get motivated, IT'S ON!! I hate to excercise, probably because I am so heavy. I long for being physically active for pleasure; hiking, long walks, skiiing, etc. I usually do great with weight loss until someone comments about how I am looking. Once that begins to happen, I fall off the wagon. I tend to get lazy about watching what I eat again. I realize that my struggles are mental and I have a big challenge in front of me. I have to get a grip on how I think.

I know that I am heavy - I was chatised about this in my first marriage on a daily basis. My ex-husband was a 6'5" bean pole. He struggled to keep weight on and could eat constantly. He just didn't understand what it was like to be heavy. His motto for me, "I eat to live~I do not live to eat" He didn't understand why I just didn't lose the weight that was making me so unhappy. Needless to say I was much thinner when we were married. I would love to be at that weight again.

I remarried this last August to a wonderful man. A man that loves me the way I am. A man that loves me for who I am~inside and outside. He tells me all the time that he loves my body....that makes me feel great, but I don't love my body! I worry that my obese nature will eventually bring health issues to deal with and my life will be shortened. For me the decision to look into the Lap Band was for health reasons #1, looks #2. Lets face it, no more rolls and size 18 jeans is definitely a plus.

So...as I begin this journey I will be documenting it every step of the way. I want complete appreciation for who I am about to become. I want to be able to look back on this blog and remember how I looked and felt as the person I am right now. I am sure that there will be many ups and downs along the way and lots of hard work ahead. I am ready...this time I am going to do it.

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