Love...Hate relationshionship with FOOD!
Its mornings like today that I still struggle with my addiction to food. Waking up at 5am with the most unbearable pain in my stomach...true HUNGER. I have an honest addiction to food, and I'm aware of this...and have to face my addiction everyday. Its not like you can just walk away from it and never face it again. You have to have food to survive. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I were addicted to drugs or alcohol...where I could chose to not to have these things in my home....out of sight out of mind...but NO my addiction is FOOD and I face my addiction everyday. This is not easy and I pray for strength to get through every day of this process. I'm learning every day new techniques on how to handle this, and break the patterns taught to me as a young child. Learning to express my emotions, as oppossed to supressing them with a overfull stomach. How many of us "eat" out of pure emotional hunger. This morning I chose to "CRY"...full on heart wrenching tears, instead of eating a bowl of icecream. Another episode conquered...one step at a time Christy...YOU CAN DO THIS! Stay focused, 4.5 more weeks of liquids...I can't wait to be back on track and have my band back at my "sweet" spot...I have done this for 18 months, this is a bump in the road. Just gotta pick myself, brush myself off and keep going. Goodness this is a tough morning, I can't wait till the Sun comes up....I could use a walk in the fresh air to clear my mind. Confidence is building even as I write. I CAN DO THIS! This time I have WON!
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