Uh oh....oops...guilt, then not feeling so well is what you feel like when you "cheat".

Although, cheat is a relative term, given the situation, it still doesn't make you feel good at all.

Yesterday, I got up, drank my protein shake, had some coffee...all was well. For lunch, another protein shake stomached, all was going good. I didn't even need Jello to help tie me over for dinner. Life was good and I was feeling great. Usually, by the time I make it home for dinner, I have consumed around 380 calories for the whole day, so I'm ready for some chicken!

Wellllll, shortly before the end of my work day, my husband called in excruciating pain from a headache. He has a shunt that was put in as a child, revised in his teen years, and revised about 4 years ago. He said this was the exact pain he had 4 years ago. So, I booked it home and got him to the hospital. They decided to admit him. We got at the hospital at 5pm (with nothing but my water bottle and a bowl..ahem..for him). By the time they admitted him, it was 11pm with storms rolling in.

By this time, the cafeteria was closed, my water bottle empty, my energy nonexistent, and I was not feeling to hot. So, I ventured out to see what was open. The local Applebee's kitchen had closed for the night. My options were....eeeek....McDonald's and Taco Bell. I wasn't thinking to clearly as I was tired, had no energy, felt so drained, and really ready to eat and sleep. I got a burrito and a couple tacos to go.

I ate most of it, besides a few bites of the burrito and maybe a half a taco and the guilt set in. I knew, in the back of my mind, there wasn't much I could have done, given the circumstances and no dollar bills to get something healthy out of the vending machine. I did kick myself for not looking on my sparkpeople.com app and finding the most appropriate choice at Taco Bell to keep somewhat on my my diet (if there even IS an appropriate choice..lol). But, I found that the Taco Bell didn't really taste too good at all and my tummy was actually upset at the morning. If it could talk, it would probably say,"What the hell where you thinking?" or "Ewwww, gross."

This morning, after a few hours of sleep, I drove about 35 minutes home, where my mom was staying with the kids. I got my son ready for school and dropped my daughter off at daycare. I downed a protein shake, which made me feel good, and went to my preop appointment with the surgery center.

We went over what is going to happen before, after, and during surgery. They did blood work and took a urine sample. I was asked if I was doing okay with the diet. I confided that I followed it PERFECTLY until last night mishaps (she was familiar with my husband as I almost cancelled this morning with my surgeon because I didn't know what HIS surgeon was going to do). She was understanding and didn't seem to think that was going to endanger the surgery or anything, which was good.

I did have a Starbucks coffee this morning at the hospital with real sugar, which I have not done since the "diet". Also bad. So, I have made the firm resolve tomorrow, when i am back on my normal Mommy/Work/Wife schedule, to get back on this routine and finish this sucker out. I am actually excited to get back on the firm routine and do it. I swear, after last night's carbs, my body is calling for them and I have to shut those voices up again (hello, day 2!). But, at least I know, in a couple more days, with the help of protein shakes, jello, and Lean Cuisine, I will get back to the 'no cravings'.

Ahhhhh, thank you if you were able to keep up with my rantings. I feel incredibly guilty and can't wait to get back on the schedule I am supposed to be on to get to the life I so desperately WANT to live!

Btw, DH will hopefully be released today with no surgery and hopefully no surgery for sometime **fingers crossed**