I needed a place to vent... so why not here. I am scheduled to have my lapband surgery on 11-9. Should be excited, right? Wrong... I feel upset with myself. When I initially started researching the band, I knew it was for me because I am a BIG uncontrolled portion eater. Carbs all day every day. So I began my jouney... Well I think deep down inside, I thought I could still do this on my own. I can work out a lot, can be very enthusiastic. But after trying again.. I failed. failed cuz I just can control my mind to keep my mouth shut. No, instead I convice myself why I should have 8 slices of pizza and cinnamon rolls and biscuits.... URGHHHHH!

I guess I am coming to the realization, that I have a true problem. Something I just cant seem to get control of. I know the band is what I need. I know that I will probably do well with it. But I just feel really crappy for letting myself down over and over again....

Okay, I'll quit my bitchin now:cry

First off thank you so much for reading my journal and posting comments!!

I must tell you that I can see you and I have some same feelings about weightloss. I've seen your pictures and you are a beautiful lady and awesome hair. How tall are you? Please dont take it the wrong way, its just we look alot alike and I've never met anyone that was built like me!!! WOW

I"m not to computer savey so not sure how to add you as a friend or even download pic of myself on here so bear with me. Hang in there I think you made a tremendous step to help yourself. You admitted that you needed help! And you stuck with the doctors visits and wow look at you. I just set the date to talk to my doctor about!!! I can't wait to set the date of the procedure,so many of us cant even reach out for help!!! BUT WE DID. From what I've read you about eating and over eating is that I must pace myself. I have to really really think about what I'm about to put in my mouth, I even think about the digestion process.

I love bread dont know how Im gonna give it up!

I love soda!

I love biscuits!

I love FRIED ANYTHING!!!

Sorry I guess I was having a moment

Hang in there sis

I'm not able to acess the internet at home yet so you can count on me to check with your progress on Monday!!!

hey just checkin on you hope you are having a good day!!!

Thanks for the compliment... dont think my hair has looked that nice in a while. I am rocking the ponytail these days. I am 5'7.5. Weighed in at the doc today at 242. Boy, 175 sounds so good right now...

(sighhhhhh) Ms. Tia, we'll have to get to know each other... being that we're birth sistas, lol. Have a great day!

Kee I'm jelous already. Once you get your band you are going to go through so many emotions and pb will be a well known unwelcome guess. But with exercise being no stranger to you that will probably become your new outlet when you can't eat what you want. Therefore your body will be what you want it to be in no time at all.

Then we will have to cut up your credit cards because of all the new clothes you will look amazing great in. LOL

AAw, Thanks Ms. Teresita! I know I can get through this.. I know somewhere deep deep down inside (somewhere in dark and lonely place somewhere) I have the strength to do this. I need to find peace with myself, quit this self depression and start treating my body like the temple it deserves to be treated. From top to bottom, I want to be a new me!