I have to take a few minutes to be honest with myself, and in doing so, honest with who ever reads this (which I hope is quite a few for accountability). I have not posted since the surgery. Things were going great; no complications, side effects, I was dropping weight rapidly and feeling and looking good. I was writing because I didn't feel I needed to.

Then the weightloss platued. I had lost 35lbs fairly rapidly and I've heard of the body going into shock and holding onto weight.

It was gradual. My weight loss first tapered off and then became a constant struggle between three lounds in a cycle of gaining and losing.

I wish I could say I've been perfect. I went away fro a week for my birthday. Hey it was my birthday and I wanted birthday cake. But I need to learn that it's a birthDAY not week and get back into the swing of things. Some days the bed looks more appealing than my workout clothes and we all know the convenient food is usually full of carbs and fats.

I guess that's why they say the first year is about learning to live with this tool. Until proper restriction (which I do feel like I'm almost there) you need to focus more on willpower. So, I wonder, where does the dieting end and the lifestyle begin?

Does it feel like dieting while I try to incorporate new healthy habits into my lifestyle?

I know where I need to focus and from this point I will make a conscious effert to do what I need to do - because I was succesful when I did certain things.

I need to take more control of my environment; exercise, eating choices and my thoughts.

I need to make exercise a priority.

I need to plan my meals so I'm never 'lost.'

I need to say no to eating out... for awhile at least, it's just too risky and you really don't have control over what you are eating.

I need to allow myself to be assertive and advocate for my best interest.

That's not to say I will never have another 'lazy' day or I will never have lunch out with my girlfriends or dinner with my husband. But I can't rely on easy things because it's those things that got me to over 230lbs on a five foot frame and at present has me feeling like a failure at what was a fairly drastic effort to gain control in my life.