Its been 500 years now and I am the only surviving female of my species. All of the original Doctor, Dieticians, nurses, receptionists and patients that I have met thrrough my journey to get a lap band have died off hndreds of years ago. I now weigh in at 5000089 pounds and my insurance company is still telling me that I need more proof that I am fat enough to get this surgery. They figured that I would live a normal life span like all of the other sorry --- patients that they had jumping through hoops until they just keeled over from a cholesterol induced heart attack, but no. I will not die until I get the friggin surgery. It is the year 2506, exactly 500 years and 7 months since I started this journey tward lapbandism. I am old and decrepid but I still want to loose weight, if for no other reason than to spend the gd insurance companies money. I have got used to the mean sales girls and the small airplane seats and the 3/4 length sleeves on the ugly fat lady clothes....why are there 3/4 length sleeves? Are fat women also expected t be dwarfs with 3/4 length arms I mean wtf? Anyway...I am used to looking away when I pass a good looking man in the mall and not laughing too loud as to not call too much undo attention to my already giant size 22 self. I am a funny person who laughs uproariously and often, but only in front of family and friends. I live in a world of stepford wives and peyton place propriety and I am like a fish out of water....I am dying for oxygen with these people who have cookie cutter lives and sizes. HELP! I am surrounded by a credit card weilding, drowning in debt very thin to mildly overweight river of mindlessness. People are measured by what kind of cell phone their fourth grader is carrying...."I got Bipsy a chocolate for her 8th birthday....those razor phones are so five minutes ago!" I mean P A L E E S E!

Anyway, cheerleaders will always be cheerleaders, and jocks will always be jocks and I will always be somewhere above them, looking down and shaking my head at the waste.

Shit...Im not even on anything that warrents this kind of crazyness...well...I better get outta here.

Awesome, just awesome. I love it!