It's been quite a week! I'm glad it is the last day of my self-imposed exercise hiatus. I do think it has been productive though. I learned (as I suspected) that I was using exercise as an excuse to make bad food choices. I think that now I have my head wrapped around the idea that I can make good choices without feeling like I'm sacrificing greatly.

A couple of my thin friends say that is why you exercise...so you can eat what you want. I tried to explain to them that is a faulty argument for me two reasons. First, they are thin and just working to maintain. I am trying to lose over 100 pounds. In a year, when I plan to be at or very near my goal weight, I can live on a very small calorie deficit or even breakeven. But if I do that now, I will never get to where I want to be.

Secondly, and probably most importantly, I am a food addict or at the very least, I have an unhealthy relationship to food. Eating "whatever you want" most likely means a very different thing to me than it does to my thin friends. I can never have the attitude that I can eat "whatever I want". Even at goal, I will have to modify that.

I would like to think that I will lose this weight and gradually learn better food habits. I would like to think that when this weight is gone, I can eat like a "normal" person without the assistance of the band. While I don't think that is 100% out of the question someday, I do think that I will probably need the help for at least a long while. And I'm really starting to be okay with that.

Right now, I AM dieting, whether I want to admit to it or not. Now, it is also life changing and I'm not dieting in an unhealthy way. However, I'm eating in a way that I do not plan to continue forever. I don't think you should have a 1,000 calorie deficit forever because at some point you need to even out. But that IS normal.

This week while not exercising, but focusing on food, I have lost 1.6 pounds in 5 days. I hope to increase that over the weekend. My plan next week is to keep the same plan with my food, but add a 150-200 calorie snack on days that I work out. That should increase my calorie deficit on those days by 350-450 calories.

Starting tomorrow, the schedule is to work out 5 1/2 hours in the next 8 days. After 0 hours in 6 days, that should be interesting!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!