I'm such a failure
I haven't blogged in what seems to be forever so here it goes...It seems like no matter what I do the weight just doesn't come off. I have been stuck between 224 and 227 for a month now. I have been working crazy hours so exercising hasn't been high on the list of things to do. I am on my feet at work and do 2-15 min walks a day but that doesn't seem to be helping either. I do well during the day but at night is when I am at my worst. It's like nothing will fill me up or satisfy me. Last night I had a ham sandwich on 45 calorie bread, a bowl of lucky charms (which tasted fabulous but didn't meet the nutrition standards), and some white cheddar popcorn. It's like nothing I had would fill me up. The sandwich should have been enough but I didn't stop. I sat there and thought about the cereal until I had to have it. It's like the demons inside of my head tell me to eat and I break down and eat it. It's a vicious cycle that I haven't learned to break. It's just the nights, I started to crochet to take my mind off food and that seems to help most nights but lately it has been a battle and I don't know how to make it stop. I go for another fill in 2 Tuesdays and haven't lost anything in a month so I know the doctor is going to ask what is going on and what am I supposed to say? I wanted to lose 30 lbs 3 months ago and haven't met that goal. I'm still 24 lbs away from that. The weight just isn't coming off. My mother had the lap band done and then had the sleeve done later after they took out the band and she loses without any exercise. Why couldn't I be that lucky? I think I'll go on a 5 day liquid diet this coming week starting Monday and see how I do with that. Even if I lost 3 lbs that would be ok with me. I would have something to talk about when I go to the doctor's. I was taking Phentermine and it wasn't really suppressing my appetite so I switched to Adderall to help with my overeating and ocd. I can't imagine how much I would eat if I weren't on it. Life is just throwing me a ringer and I don't know how to get past it but to starve myself. My calories have been good and I'm burning more than I am taking in on most days so why am I not losing. It seems whenever I overeat I gain 4 lbs overnight and then it takes the whole week to lose it. Could it be water weight? Should I ask for a dieretic? I am totally lost on this one. I don't know what I should do. Maybe the liquid diet will give some results so I'll try it for a week and see where it gets me. Thanks for listening and if you have any advice, feel free to give it. Good luck on your journey.
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