For the first time...I'm questioning myself
I have been going through all of the hoops that everyone else has gone through. All along, I kept saying, " if it's meant to be, it will be." I thought maybe they wouldn't let me have the surgery because my BMI is only 35, maybe they won't let me have the surgery because of my heart, or my defibrillator, maybe they won't let me have the surgery because of my insurance. I've been surprised that they are all letting me have the surgery.
Now, it's 8pm the night before my surgery, and I'm starting to realize how enormous this decision is. Seven months I've never doubted for a minute that this is what I want, and now, in less than 12 hours I'll be banded...for life! I'm scared, nervous and confused.
I just want to lose weight and be healthy, why has it come to this? Does everyone go through this the night before their surgery? I remember earlier this year when I had to have my defibrillator replaced in a risky surgery, I honestly thought I was going to die, and I didn't. I stressed over nothing. Perhaps that is what I'm doing to myself tonight, stressing over nothing.
The next time I post, I'll be banded. There's no backing out now...I need to do this for me!
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