Doing this in hopes of changing my life. Today is Monday, June 28th. Last night I went to bed thinking to myself, "I'm going to get up early and work out. I'm going to have a slimfast drink for breakfast, and stay on liquids all day long!" ..8am came around and I hit the snooze button. Got up at 9, cleaned my room, and got ready to go to work. For breakfast, I had a little bag of peanuts (protein?). For lunch, I had a taco salad. Dinner hasn't came around yet, but I doubt I do liquids since I ruined my whole day. I've snacked on sunchips and a candy bar. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking that I actually ate that. I'm currently drinking a sweet tea from McDonalds (my #1 craving). I cannot give into this any more.

I am way too obese for my age. I'm 20 years old and I bet I weigh 280 lbs., which is what I was before my surgery. *take a drink of sweet tea* ..It's so good. My back is hurting from sitting here (I'm currently at work). I work in an office for a local college. I don't do much, there isn't much to do. I'm too lazy.

I've found this forum for a reason and I need you (everyone else on this forum) to help support me.

My mom got the surgery done at the same time I did. When I finally made it below 200, I had to brag to her. She was jealous, but she was my motivation. Competitive, I guess. Now, she weighs less than I do. My mom, however, has more problems than I do. She is a constant spitter. Anything she eats, she spits out. That nasty thick and heavy saliva. Does anyone else get that? She gets pains a lot when she eats, but she spits and it makes her feel better. She gets shoulder pains when she is hungry, but when she eats she gets stuck. I'm not sure what her fill is, I don't even know what my fill currently is, but our closest doc is about four hours away.

We are both ashamed to go back to the doctors. You know what else.. I need motivation. My only source of motivation is thinking, "Man, I used to be pretty when I was skinny." or "If I get skinny, I can break up with my loser boyfriend and go somewhere in life." or "Who is going to take a 300 pound teacher seriously?" (I am going to school to become a early elementary teacher.)

Let today be the last day I do this "eat whatever, whenever, however" scene. Man, how many times have I said that?

If you are still reading this, I thank you a LOT and I hope everyone who reads this will make a comment or message me. *another drink of my sweet tea*

I get off work in an hour, at 8pm. I know when I go home, though, my mom is going to have me help her with the garage sale. We are setting things up to have a garage sale this weekend. She won't let me get rid of my skinny clothes though. We went through totes and totes of clothes and things for this garage sale, and I picked out one skinny outfit. It is going to be my motivation. However, it's still sitting on the floor in my closet.

I need help.

Anyway, I'm going to go home from work tonight, put on my comfy clothes, and help her get ready for the garage sale. I would really like to work out tonight, hopefully I will be able to do that.

Here's another thing I want to add. I don't think I would be bad if I had good people in my life. My mom has candy, chips, cookies, whatever in the house for my niece and stepdad. I find it easy to grab a cookie from the cookie jar. And then go back for a few more.

Another thing, I wouldn't be so bad if my boyfriend didn't constantly eat out and ask me to join. He works at a local car dealership, and the owners own a local Ponderosa (Ponderosa is an all-you-can-eat buffett). Because the owners own both places, Cory (my boyfriend) gets 50% off at Pondo. We eat there once a week. I usually only eat a plate of food and a desert, so that isn't bad, but it's the temptation of going to eat with him. He eats fast food or something like that for every meal. I can't say "no" to a double cheese and a sweet tea from McD's.

Another thing that would make me better. My stepdad. He is always negative about the things he says to me. His comment last night was "Dr. Ortiz would be so disappointed if he saw you right now." ...My parents think that by p****** me off, I will work for it. ..Not quite. If you p*** me off, then I will do the exact opposite of what you want me to do. ..Bah.

Okay, so back to the dealio. I'm going to go home tonight, get in comfy clothes, organize for the garage sale, and hopefully walk.

Tuesday morning, I have to be at work at 8am. I will TRY to wake up at 6 so I can work out, then get ready for work. If not, I can always work out when I get off work at 5. I also need to fit tanning in there. I think that bigger girls look better if they are tan. It takes away from the fat. ...My opinion, I guess?

Anyway, thanks for reading. Please comment. I would really appreciate any words or advice.

Oh, food for Tuesday. This is what I am thinking. Breakfast: Slimfast shake. Bottles of water throughout the day. Lunch, leftover rigattoni. More water. Dinner, ...that's not decided yet.

Any opinions?