I'm feeling pretty depressed and guilty and discouraged and and and... and I'm tired of feeling this way! I've got my band in april of last year and didnt get my first fill until 6 months later. I've lost 55 pounds since but just cant seem to stay on track these days. Ice cream.. crackers.. mini candy bars at work... sometimes in the afternoon at work, I cant stop thinking about a snack. I obsess over it and end up becoming grouchy because I cant stop thinking about it. I end up feeling deprived and punished because I cant eat what I want... then the guilt that I even feel like that in the first place makes it worse. sigh...

WHATS WRONG WITH ME???

I'm so happy with my success so far, but I feel I cant do it anymore. I was going to the gym 3 times a week, so even when I cheated, I wouldnt gain. Unfortunately I fell and hurt my ankle 4 weeks ago and can only do so much before I'm in too much pain.... so now I only go 1 or 2 times a week. I was working back to my consistency, but then I must of reinjured it because it started swelling up and hurting so I am back to square one. Boo!

Although I know my depression meds contribute to my weight gain and my lust for sweets, it doesnt make me feel any better. Feels like excuses.

Its my 41st bday today and I had wanted to reach my first goal of 200 pounds by today, but am 11 pounds short... and its my fault. I get up every morning and tell myself that today I wont eat anything I am not suppose to and that I will go to the gym and be proud of myself... but that never seams to happen 100%.

I'm sorry I didnt have any words of wisdom or positive energy to contribute... maybe I shouldnt of posted at all... anyway, good luck to you...

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These are some things I've learned since last year:

• I've learned that I'm NOT perfect and that's OK. Really, it is!
  

• I've realized that I will still have bad days and struggle with my depression, but good days are always around the bend. I dont feel out of control or hopeless anymore. Thats a good thing!
  

• I've learned that having the right amount of saline in your band is the key! My doc will only give .5 ccs at a time and it's taken me two years EXACTLY to reach my sweet spot! On my last fill (April 2010), I went for a fill and since I have lost 12 pounds! I even cancelled an appointment I scheduled for today. I rescheduled for August-just in case.
  

• I've learned that control, exercise and making wise food choices is important, but if you dont have the right amount in your band, it will be harder.
  

• I've learned that although I've come far, its not over. There is ALWAYS room for improvement and I'm alive and capable to do whatever I set my mind to! Splurging on chocolate or pizza once in awhile isnt a make or break deal! There is always a tomorrow to start fresh. ALWAYS.
  

• I've learned that I'm happier with my current body image than I have been in probably 15 years! I'm far from being 'thin', but I'm a hell of a lot better off than I was two years ago!!!