I'm at 227 this morning so I have to be proud that I lost 9 of those 10 lbs I gained. It isn't the fact that I have to weigh in today for my fill but it is the fact that I have gained 1 lb since my last fill. Doc isn't going to know what to do with me. I'll just ask for another fill and tell him I had a 4 day eating binge and gained the 10 lbs and lost 9 of those and hopefully he will be happy with that. I think I will wait until right before vacation before going back to him for another fill if I need one or just keep the band the same for a year. They say the saline goes away over time so I would have to go back in for a check up. I took 2 laxatives yesterday hoping they would help get the pound off and they haven't even worked yet so I don't know what the problem is, now I am stuffed up and can't poop. I know eating less makes you poop less but I read where you can take a laxative and lose some excess water weight so that is what I did and nothing. I even fail at that.

Robert made the coffee this morning and it tastes so good, I love my coffee. I'll have to do liquids for 2 days and I am already dreading it. I slept good last night until 6:30 this morning so that was sleeping in for me. Last night, we had steak and vegetables on the grill. I had about 3 oz's of steak and a few peppers and onion. They were good and the steak didn't bother me so I guess I chewed it good enough to go down ok.

I get up in the morning and that gives me time to do my facebook, I am addicted to Cafe World. It is so much fun. My friends from work do it too.

So this month I am going to try very hard to follow the rules, I don't have anything special planned other than 4th of July but we don't do anything for it. I do have that Monday off so that is nice. Then I took the Monday after that off so I would get a 4 day weekend. I just really have to focus on my eating and drinking protein. I have done good these past 2 weeks. I lost the 9 lbs in the 2 weeks so that is something to be proud of. I am just fixated on what the scale says. My clothes fit the same but I know once I get to 200 lbs all my clothes should be fitting me and I can finally give the big clothes away to goodwill or a church somewhere. I can also call the domestic violence center and see if they need some for the safe house. I know women there could always use the clothes to look for a job or to just wear since most of them just come with little or no extra clothing. My heart is in the right place. I feel like I am just jumping all over the place with this entry, it's like my head is thinking of so many things. My books about eating are interesting, they start out slow but hopefully they will get into it soon or I am going to lose interest. One deals with self-image, weight and food addictions...that is what I need since I weigh myself 2-3 times a day and you know how it is to be addicted to food. It's like there is nothing else you can think about but food. It swallows you up. I think about it morning, noon, and night, I get anxious if I don't know where the next meal is coming from or what it is. Yesterday was a good day because I had protein shakes for breakfast and first break, naked ribs for lunch, and the steak kabob for dinner. So my day was planned out so I felt good about that. Today we are supposed to go to breakfast where I order scrambled eggs and sausage. Then I'll be on protein for the rest of the day so I don't feel like I have to plan anything for today and tomorrow will be just liquids so I have some soup and protein drinks for that. It's just the next 2 days after tomorrow that I will worry about what to eat and I don't know why because I'll only be able to eat soft foods so my choices are limited. I'll probably have cottage cheese for lunch, applesauce for breakfast, and then cottage cheese for dinner. I usually put a few pieces of pineapple in with the cottage cheese to give it a little bit of flavor, I also know that some people put in pepper or hot sauce to dress it up a bit. It is pretty boring just eating it like it is. I don't know what else to eat that is soft other than mashed potatoes but it has alot of carbs so that is out. Do you have any ideas? What do you eat after you get a fill, I would really like to know because it can get so boring eating the same thing for 2 days especially when it isn't even good foods. I know I go on binges where I'll eat the same food for 2 weeks and not get tired of it but cottage cheese isn't one of them. I love my beef hot dogs...weird I know but they taste so good with a little bit a ketchup. I also love chili. Cowboy chili with kidney beans in it. I can eat about a cup of it and feel just satisfied enough that it lasts me until the next meal before I get hungry again. I could eat it for breakfast it is so good. Gross but it is good. I have been craving watermelon too. I know it is full of natural sugars so I haven't been eating alot of it. I did have some during the 4 days I was off and it was good, not too sweet just right for what I was looking for.

I never really got into blogging before but reading about other people's lives is pretty interesting. It is nice to read what I am going through someone else out there is going through the same thing or has the same issue or problem that I have. And it lets me get alot off my mind. My head sometimes gets so congested with things that it feels so full and won't allow for one more thing to enter it. I'm on medication for it but it still happens. I am going to make an appt with my family doctor to see if there is some of the medication I can go off of because I take so many and they are starting not to go down very easily. I want to puke them back up and fight them to go down. My family doctor is pretty good and she gives me what I ask for so that helps since I don't have to fight her for the prescription. I know she would never let me take a mixture that would harm me but I am on so many anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, there has to be a way to just take a few of them and be able to function in society.

My friend at work is having her breasts reduced. I gave her the idea since she is a "G" and I had it done years ago. It was one of the better surgeries that I have had. It sure makes a difference with how you feel and no matter how much weight I would lose it never would come off my chest. I stayed a "DD" ever since high school. And when they hang down and go south it is time for someone to do something with them. They would hang down to my belly button and they were always in the way. It's not pretty waking up with a boob across your neck or tucked under your arm. I can just imagine how good she will feel once she has it done. It took the insurance 1 week to approve her and she is set for surgery on the 7th of July so it went pretty quickly. I took a week off of work and then was on light duty. I did alot of paperwork and couldn't be around inmates or arrestees until the stitches dissolved. She is taking 6 weeks off so she should be recoved by then. I would hope. She is going to look so good. I think she is about 55 years old and just having the weight lifted off her back and shoulders will be nice.

Well that is enough of my rambling for today. Hope the best for all you losers out there and good luck losing the weight.