After feeling so down on myself, I am better. Husband and I went to lunch with my mother and her boyfriend. Ate too much so I was full for the rest of the night. Not bad to eat only once a day. I did have a handfull of nuts before bed and I'm still full so that is good. I'm going to fix a couple of eggs for breakfast today and tomorrow and see if that keeps me satisfied until lunch. I bought some cottage cheese to take for lunch Thursday and Friday since I can only have liquids after my fill Tuesday and Wednesday. That is what the doctor says is 2 days liquids, 2 days mushy, and then back to normal just smaller portions. I can do this. It's been a challenge for me in the past but I can do it this time. I got 2 new books on compulsive eating and weight issues so I'm looking forward to reading them. I just finished the 2 lap band books I was reading. Life After the lap band was a good book and had alot of information. The information is what I needed before I began this journey, it would have told me not to drink milk shakes and eat hamburgers and expect to lose the weight. I was just thinking I can only eat in small amounts so I can't gain weight if I don't eat like I used too. There were times when I could eat what I wanted and how much I wanted I gained weight in fact with the band. I know the doctor was getting tired of it, he must have been. Then I got my act together and have been losing except for my binge when I had the 4 days off. You never get a day off with the band, it is like you have to be spot on or you will gain weight and that is the last thing I want to do right now. I know I'll gain weight while being on vacation because the strawberry dacquiri's just call my name in Vegas. They have the tall one's with the long straw and they are so good. My husband and I share them so that isn't so bad just bad enough I'm sure to show on the scale. While we are out there I won't be thinking about anything but swimming, laying by the pool, and eating at some nice restaraunts. Since I can only eat a small amount, we have decided to go to some nice places and spend the $30-$40 on one meal and share it. Makes sense to me. Last time we were there was right before I got the band, in fact I had to go on my 8 day pre-op diet when I got back. We didn't eat at any really nice places just cafe's in the casino and burger joints. Nothing special though so this time I am taking enough money that we don't have to worry about eating or playing the machines. It should be a nice time. My friend "C" from work is watching Kiko and Gabby since I watched her dog for her while she went to Disneyworld. He was a good dog, very loving and sweet but he lifted his leg on everything to mark his territory. That is something we weren't used to so for a week we dealt with it. But I'm sure my dogs will get her carpet a few times. Gabby will enjoy seeing Jasper again and they will play for the first few days and then Jasper will get tired like he did here at our house and try to hide from her. He is 10 years old and Gabby is 1 1/2 years so she is full of energy and doesn't know when to stop but I don't know how long it will take for her to get comfortable around "C". She may just hide under the bed for a few days and then come creeping out. We will take her bed for her but who knows if she will sleep in it. I hope she just decides to sleep with "C" and be comfortable enough to relax a little. She is very skiddish around new people. I hope she is ok. Kiko I don't worry about, as long as she has food and her bed she is ok. She doesn't play much so Jasper doesn't have to worry about keeping her company. I can't wait to go on vacation. I'm thinking even if I lose another 10 lbs before we leave (Aug 29th) that will be fine with me. I wanted to hit the 200 mark before we left but it just isn't happening. I would have to really buckle down and exercise every night at the gym and do the elliptical here at home before getting ready for the day. Robert bought a gym style elliptical so we use it and it is hard so I can only do 9-10 minutes on it so that is enough to get my metabolism going but not enough to burn any extra calories but anything is better than nothing.

My husband is looking for a full time job since his bookkeeping isn't really enough to keep us afloat and tax season is over. So it will be hard having him gone throughout the days and the dogs will miss him most since he has been around them for so long. During tax season he did taxes with another CPA so he wasn't home during the day and Gabby showed him how she felt by peeing on the carpet. That cost $1700 to get it ripped up and tile put down. But hey what do you expect from a strong-headed chihuahua. She will hate him being gone and I will too since he does everything around the house. I feel so spoiled by having him home. He is there to watch me leave for work and there when I get home from work.

He is always there showing his support through all this. He has never made me feel badly about myself except when he would talk about how his ex-wife would win the wet t-shirt contest in Las Vegas, or how he carried her while on vacation. I found some nude photo's of her that were taken by the beach when they went to Cancun. She is so pretty but she uses her looks to get what she wants. That is why they divorced. She was accepting diamond earrings and other gifts from doctor's at the hospital where she worked. She is a nurse. I found pictures of her being on a billboard advertisement for the hospital with another nurse. How can you get that lucky? To be so pretty and have a good career? I wish I was like that. The cable company I work for is really good and has great benefits and I made more than my husband did when he was an accountant for a firm. That bites for him since I don't have a master's degree and make that much money he says. I just don't think he was getting paid what he should have been. He is very smart and sometimes I feel like a real dummy but he never says anything about it so that is good cause I would have to kill him.

The only other time I told him I would kill him is if he ever cheated on me. But I really don't think I would, I would feel like it but I would keep him alive so he would have to deal with his decisions. He knows how much it would hurt me and since it feels like all the men in my life have used me and left me for other women it would just feel like "here we go again". It would break my heart since he is the only man I haven't cheated on and he has my heart. All the men before left me bored and wanting more and you always think the grass is greener on the other side so I was always looking. No regrets except I shouldn't have wasted my time on more than half of them but boy did I have fun when I was younger. I had so much fun. When I would lose the weight is when I had the most fun, but when I gained the weight I was with a couple of guys that didn't care how big I was, they liked the company and I was fun so they enjoyed it. I left those 2 guys when I met Robert. I knew I couldn't juggle 3 men and Robert was a keeper. Handsome, had a job, had a car, and paid for the movie...what more could I ask for. He didn't pressure me for sex so that was a good thing and that is what stuck in my head. When we went on our first date all I could think about was how good looking he was and how good he smelled. It was just filling up my mind with happy thoughts. Then when we talked for so long in the car I knew he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Well more on that story later. I'm done rambling for the day. Have a good one and good luck losing.