Every night when I get off work I call the husband to see what is for dinner. The night before he said let's figure out what we are eating tomorrow night so you don't have to ask. I didn't get the fact that it bothered him for me to ask...I ask every night after work, it's just a question. I've made decisions all day and don't want to have to make one when I get off. Well last night he went off when I asked about how he doesn't know what is for dinner and I always ask and that it makes him mad because he doesn't know what to say when I ask. That threw me into thinking...my life revolves around food. Food is my best friend...it is there when I am happy, sad, depressed, bored, celebrating. It is always there and I can't stop thinking about it. I think about food from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I think about what's for breakfast, what's for lunch, and what's for dinner. I can only eat 3 times a day so food is very important to me. I even dream about it sometimes. So I've come to the conclusion that I need to focus more on what I am doing that day and take one meal at a time. You have to be prepared when you have had the surgery, you just can't pop into McDonalds for lunch and order a burger. There has to be some meal preparation and thought into what you eat. My life just revolves around food. I love to eat out even though I can't eat that much, I like the atmosphere and getting waited on, not having to cook or dirty up dishes. I love to eat out. At first I didn't because I couldn't stuff myself from the plate of goodness that sat before me but now I am getting re-adjusted and I love it. PF Chang's is my favorite because there are appetizers that I can make a meal out of and have enough to take home for another meal later on. But just having him make me think about how important food really is got to me. I hadn't realized just how important it is and how much I think about. So that is that story.

I weighed this morning and finally hit 226 lbs so I feel better since this is what I weighed last month when I went in for my fill. So anything that I lose after this will be a plus. I'll tell the doctor about my 4 day binge eating feast that I had and how I gained 10 lbs in 4 days so he will know that I am human and lost alot more than what shows on the scale. I just can't believe baked beans and birthday cake were worth gaining the weight because it has taken me 1 1/2 weeks to get it off. I don't know why I chose them to be my friends for the 4 days off but I did. I think after my fill I will stick with my protein shake in the morning along with my coffee, cottage cheese or some type of meat for lunch, and a hot dog for dinner. The hot dog helps because I know I am getting more calories from it and that is what I seem to not be hitting. Maybe that is why I am not losing the weight like I think I should be.

One of the series Robert and I like started on Showtime and we missed the last 4 episodes so tonight we are going to catch up with it again. I can't wait for True Blood to start but I hope it isn't as stupid as last year. The commercials look good. We also like Dexter, it is so good and coming from being a cop, I can relate to wanting to kill off the bad guys that get away with their crimes. Yes I was a cop, I made $9 an hour working as a Deputy Sheriff for the small town I lived in. Now I make more than twice that and don't have the life threatening decisions to make. All I can do these days is turn off your cable if you don't pay. It bothers me that people come in wanting extensions on their bill because they are unemployed and can't afford to pay that month of service and you look and they have the top teir of cable there is. How can you justify paying $149 for cable for one month when you don't have a job? I know cable is a big thing in people's lives and it is the only source of entertainment for some families and I'm ok with that but don't come in and give me a pity party because you are broke and have that kind of teir. Do you really need all the channels? The high definition box and the recording box? If it were me I would downsize to just basic which runs $20, keep my internet so I could look for a job. I'm more than happy to put you on a promotion for 6 months to help you get back on your feet but we look at payment history and how long you have been a customer to do that. I've been unemployed twice lost 2 jobs and didn't have another one to back it up so I understand being unemployed. In fact before I got this job at the cable company I was unemployed and this first thing I did was get rid of the cable, internet, and house phone. I had my cell phone in case I got a call about a job and would go to the library to look on the computer for a job so I understand being in a position where you don't know where the money is going to come from for the next month. I didn't get unemployment so I didn't have that to fall back on. I understand where people are coming from that are in this position.

Ok enough about that. I have the day off with the husband and we are going to meet up with my mother and her boyfriend for lunch so it should be good, don't know where we are going but it should be good wherever we go. We have some shopping to do so I'll have something to eat this coming week but really I don't need much after Monday because Tuesday is my fill and I have to be on liquids for 2 days after and then mushy for 2 days after that so that takes me to Saturday before I can eat something good. I hate getting fills for this reason but like the restriction I get from them. I'm not at full restriction but I have some. I just hope this fill does the trick. Well everyone have a good day and please don't bash me on this entry.