Well I woke up at 12:00 and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to do my cafe on facebook and make some coffee. After 4 cups and about an hour on the computer I went upstairs to try and sleep but that wasn't happening. I just laid there and my mind starts to think. I wonder why this surgery isn't working like I thought it should? was it all the sabotaging I did in the early stages? do I need to exercise more? What is it? I just have to lose this 10 lbs by next Tuesday and I'll be fine but it is getting it off that is the problem. So for breakfast I am having a slim jim, for lunch about a cup of chili that I made last night, and for dinner who knows. I guess we could go out for dinner since we haven't for a few days. I just hate going out because it is like you order and this heaping plate of food comes to the table and you can only eat a little bit and then you take the rest home. I don't eat leftovers unless they are from PF Changs so my husband ends up eating them. He doesn't mind all the food leftover but I get tired of going out and only eating a small portion but do I really hate it worse than being fat? I honestly hate being fat. The way my belly hangs and jiggles when I move, the way my thighs rub together, the way my boobs sag...there are so many things about my body that I would change. I already plan on getting a tummy tuck after the majority of my weight comes off but that will be in 2 years if I don't get it together and really try at this weight loss program. My slim jim is spicy but good and I guess it will do for being breakfast. At least it will keep me from craving something that isn't as good for me. I'll get some protein from it and I'll have a shake on my first break that should tie me over until I go to lunch. It is going to be a long day at work because my day started so early. I hope I don't get rude with the customers but after yesterday I think I can get through anything. We had so many yellers in here it was nuts. Everyone had an attitude and I hate when they think they are better than me just because they come and pay their cable bill. Pay it on time and pay the full balance if you are going to act that way with me. Please, I am college educated and making more money now than when I was in law enforcement and I don't have the danger that came with that job. Well this in my story for today. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.