Sad today....
Today is a sad day for me. My boyfriend of a year and half decided to part ways yesterday. I have been doing pretty well for the most part....mainly b/c I went into the relationship with minimal expectations. I had met him shortly after getting out of a 2 year relationship with another guy, so I didn't want to be hurt the same way I had been previously. It has helped...b/c I am not devastated like last time! I was a complete wreck for days! This time, it makes me sad when I think about calling him....or when I wait for his call.
It just hit me that he was the only one who knew about my decision to be banded. I didn't even tell my family. I live about an hour from my family...and we aren't super close (although we get along)...so I could totally hide it from them if I wanted to. Now....what am I going to do? He was so supportive of me and my decision...and now I have no one! I know at some point, I'll have to let someone know....but who? Who can I trust enough not to judge me? Who can I trust enough not to tell everyone?
I think this realization just made the breakup that much harder. I was ok up until about 15 minutes ago when this thought came in to my head. He was going to be the one to bring me to the hospital. He was going to be the one to stay for the day with me while I recovered in the hospital. He was going to be the one to drive me home. Now....I have no one.
Gosh, it seems like my life is one giant disappointment after another. How much can one person take? I am overweight (and have been for all of my life) and can't lose the weight no matter how HARD I try.....I could never finish college no matter how many times I tried to go back.....it seems like my finances are always wacky - never far ahead......my desire to be married with children seems like it will never happen - especially after being in two long-term dating relationships with both of them ending. I can't win. I am afraid that getting the band will just be another one of those things that I look forward to, only to be sorely disappointed.
My heart hurts. 3 :thumbup:
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