I haven't posted in months. I realize that I need to write this down, soo I can get it out of my system.

Feb, on my son's birthday, he was caught during his party smoking pot by himself in his room by himself. Yeah! Found out he has opposition defiance disorder. New drugs is making life a lot easier, but it's not over. Found out I need therapy along with my son. Issues from my past has..... stunted my families growth, so to speak.

Then to top it off, my daughter on Monday, said she wwants to end her life! She is beautiful and strong.

The Lord has loaned out these precious children to me, and it's my responsibility to rear them in the eyes of the Lord, Spiritually, mentally and physically. I will go to heaven and hell for them to save them from their sorrows. That is my sacred duty, and my joy as being a mother! I want to save my children and be there for them!

I put her in therapy immediately kicking and screaming, but after a week of being home and "healing" she realizes she does need help.

Our 18th anniversary is Sat. and we were going to go to Branson till Monday, but Doc said she is too fragile that we can't leave. I don't want her out of my sight, but she says she's too scared to carry it out. She says that the only reason she didn't carry it out is because I once told her that suicide just makes it harder, it doesn't solve your problems, it only makes them harder up in heaven, and what about the people you leave behind. Would she want everyone around her to mourn her loss for years and wish that we could have done something more to save our precious gift from God?

She is healing, and feeling, and crying a lot, which is good. I made her stay home all week, and now she has strep because of stress. She is a perfectionist, which is part of the problem. She is also a mother to a T! She always has been, she feels like she needs to take care of everyone's problems instead of taking care of herself. She now recognizes that and the counselor is helping her. Life is such a short time in the whole eternity process, that why end this life?

God sent us here to gain bodies, and to have trials, and to see how we face our trials. God also gave my daughter on loan to us. He is her Father. And it is my sacred duty to make sure she is taught in the Way of The Lord. To make her a better person, to see that she is a Daughter of God. To see that she is not worthless. If I don't do that, then it is upon my shoulders.

Logan is doing better, the Respridole is helping, he doesn't get angry so much, he can talk through his feelings instead of keep it in till he explodes.

Me? I'm a work in progress! I now realize that my father verbally abused me and emotionally. I would get F's in junior high and he would say that I would never amount to anything. After My third child, who was 10 lbs, and a c-section that i looked like a hippo. Therapy is helping realize that I CAN be who I have always wanted to be, but it's hard to believe you are worth something, when you have always heard to opposite my whole life. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't always horrible, it's just those few times that I remember the most.

Till the next melt down, Ta Ta for now!

I pray for your strength to help your family through this difficult time.

All the prayers are very very much welcome and needed! Thank you!

Keep blogging it is therapy in the best form. You are a wonderful mother. Take care of yourself first and all will fall into place. You are strong and now have a tool to help you. I had so much stress my band tightened on me and I needed an Un-fill it helped. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes imaluckydog