I've been told I'm crazy, AGAIN!
Well, I FINALLY had my appointment with my band doctor today. Getting a word in edgewise with him is so terribly difficult. I went in to tell him all of these reflux troubles. I went in expecting a slight or total unfill. I tried to tell him my symptoms and I did for the most part. What happened was that he basically threatened me with band removal because "Well, we don't want unhappy people." I told him that I was happy as long as I wasn't having pain or reflux. He said, "I see you have a history of anxiety." WHAT? The only anxiety I've had was associated with that dark period where I had "esophageal spasms" that turned out to be gall bladder attacks. Dr. Duckett (his partner) didn't diagnose them properly, I was desperate for help because they HURT LIKE HELL! I can't say that enough...THEY HURT LIKE HELL AND I WANTED TO DIE DURING THE ATTACKS. He went on to question my "anxiety" and why I'm not happy with my band and did they REALLY find stones in my gall bladder. As if some sweetheart doctor just took my gall bladder out because I asked him to. PUHLEEZ!
Ultimately, he decided to do an EGD (scope my esophagus and stomach) and check my band under fluoroscope. BUT, yes, BUT I have to get prior approval from my insurance which could take weeks. Yes, I said weeks. I asked him what I'm supposed to do in the mean time. He said keep taking the Nexium (which hadn't really made the reflux go away) and maybe do liquids. I feel like I've been living on soup and ice cream (which feels like heaven on my throat by the way). I spent the weekend sleeping in a lawn chair! I'm not sleeping well because the burning wakes me up. Thank God I don't aspirate (which is another argument he had against me having "real reflux") other than maybe a little rattle in my chest first thing in the morning which is cleared with a good cough or 2.
I have been completely dissed by my band doctor, or at least I feel that way. I've been left to experience these symptoms, including tasting blood on occasion because one doctor felt I was experiencing "anxiety" in the past and the partner (who obviously read the remark in my chart) either doesn't have a clue or honestly thinks that too. Anxiety, which personally I feel was justified during the gall bladder debaucle, had I actually been having it. I just want treated. I want the symptoms to be gone. Good God, I've changed my job to a less stressful one. I exercise more. I've made lots of improvements in my life. Wouldn't I know if I were having anxiety attacks or anxiety in general? My only anxiety revolves around these symptoms and not being allowed to get them treated. It has nothing to do with the band itself and to threaten me with removing it simply because he thinks I'm unhappy with the band is ludicrous. I love my band, believe it or not. I really think I'm probably just too tight (hopefully). I think there's a small possibility of other complications here like a slip or something. But this has been coming on kind of gradually with increased intensity since that last fill. I'd say about a month after that last fill I noticed the first sore throat in the morning.
The clear thinking medical practicioner in me versus the angry patient can still see that this can be treated, as long as I find someone who will listen and not pass psychological judgement. I sincerely do not know what kind of patient I display myself to others as to have this kind of judgement passed upon me. I've even had to stop telling my doctors that I'm a nurse, they get all high and mighty with me. They say, "there's only one thing worse than a patient who is a nurse and that's a patient who is a doctor." I'm not kidding when I say that a doctor has told me, "what's the worst thing that could happen, you have to be in a wheelchair and your husband will push you around?" (This was when I was seeking treatment for an arthritic hip-I have since had to have a replacement) I do not demand certain tests, treatments or even suggest diagnoses. I let their own egos direct the care. The only time I've interjected was when my 2nd opinion on the gall bladder was going for esophageal spasms again. I asked if he would check my gall bladder. He did. He apologized for having missed it.
Well, now that I've ranted enough and before I get all kinds of hostile PM's or something let me alleviate all your fears and concerns. I have made an appointment to see ANOTHER DOCTOR for Friday. Yes, I have had it as far as I can take it with these two egomaniacs who think that everything they have operated on should go by the book. (They have told me that they have only had a couple of their lap band patients need gall bladder surgery after lap band). Well, come on.......we all know that weight loss in the fair, fertile, female, fat, forty (well, you get the picture) leads to gall stones. I may have to drive over 3 hours to get there, but if this doc listens to me and pays attention to my symptoms it will be well worth the drive. I just want to feel better. Who the hell cares about losing weight at this point? Dr. C..............here I come.
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