I was born in 1959 and was given up for adoption at birth. I was adopted and released at age 3 months due to having conjunctiveitis as a newborn. I love my adoptive parents but they are both very thin persons and here I am or was the cute chubby kid that grew into the cute fat adult with a few years of being a sexy thin person in my early 20's thanks to large amounts of Dexatrim, excessive exercise and starvation eating. My parents were told when I was adopted that my biological mother was 5' and 200 lbs or so and that there was a chance that I would also be short and heavy. I'm 5'2" and presently 260 lbs. At my highest I was close to 310 back in 2005 and have somehow managed to lose about 50 lbs and keep them off. I'm a nervous eater so when things weren't so hot in my life, I would eat - anything.

Throughout my childhood I was fairly active riding bike, playing outside, softball, kickball and running around the neighborhood with the neighborhood kids and marching band in highschool. My mother took me to doctors for my weight starting around age 7-8. I was put on some synthetic thyroid meds and something else. I also suffered from severe constipation for years. (This was resolved at age 25 after I had lost 95 lbs and it was discovered that I had a deformed coccyx and it was pinching off my large intestine at the bowel area. I had surgery to have it removed and it was the best thing that I have done so far.) My mother claims that if she would not have taken me to the doctors, I would be heavier today. I'm not sure that is the case. She kept tight reigns on what I ate - at least what she saw me eat. She wouldn't let me have chips, cookies, I had a half sandwich for lunch with a half slice of lunch meat and an apple. Many of the kids I ate lunch with probably would have killed for lunch meat but I would have killed for their peanut butter and jelly whole sandwich. I got food from other sources and sneeked money out of my piggy bank to school in my shoe so that I could buy candy at the penny candy store across the street from school. If my mother wasn't home when I got home, I was in the potato chip can and cookies and sometimes even had a whole slice of lunch meat depending on how much was left. I truly think that I would not have done some of these things if I was allowed to have them in small amounts or as a treat. Who knows. I do believe in genetic predisposition though.

When I was 30, I found my biological mother and family. My mom had given me information and encouraged it so that we could find out any health/medical information and see if anything ran in the family. I had an adoption support counselor make contact for me and found out that the day she called, was the day that they were burying my birth mother. I had 2 half sisters though and my birth mother had a sister and 2 brothers that were still alive. It took a couple of years and finally I received a letter from birth mothers youngest brothers wife. It was warm and inviting and eventually I was able to meet everyone, including my 2 half sisters that were 11 and 12 1/2 years older than me. That aunt and uncle have 2 adopted kids themselves -a girl my age and a boy a year or 2 younger.

Over the years it has been a struggle - yo yo dieting - up down, down up. I'm afraid to try things like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and weight watchers because they tell you what to eat or limit what you can eat and you have to visit and get weighted. I have aversions to being shamed if I gain a little and not given enough credit for when I do lose. (At least that is my opinion that stems from the childhood). My willpower is low. I'm not sure having surgery is the way to go because I feel like I should be strong enough to do this on my own. Surgery is so permanent (I know that band can be removed but what is the purpose of getting it if you have it removed?) and I would never have a gastric bypass. My half sister had one after she went up to nearly 500 lbs due to bad knees and knee surgery that didn't take and couldn't exercise. She is back down to around 240 but can't seem to lose more. The insurance company won't approve the surgery to remove the excess skin which would be about 40 lbs. Personally, I think that is cruel to do that to someone. It should be a package deal. Anyway, I couldn't stand to have that be me. I would rather be heavy than have all that loose skin hanging down. (I love you Ruthie). Sadly, our older sister Sandy passed away almost 4 years at age 60 of a heart attack brought on by uncontrolled diabetes high blood pressure. I myself am diabetic but pretty controlled with just glucophage and borderline high bp that is under control with a low dose of bp meds.

So, I decided to research out the LAP-BAND®®®®®® because I understand that since you lose slower than with gastric bypass, that your skin has a chance to shrink and isn't as bad, however, I'm 51 now and not 25-30 where things are still more elastic. I attended an online webinar last fall presented by the center/surgeon that my pcp referred me too. I had almost made up my mind to go through with it but then I learned that it could take up to about 6 months or so before one would have surgery or that I might have to go on some other diet for 6 months before my insurance would determine if they would pay or not - even though being diabetic with high bp and knee/joint issues should get me approved. I mentally couldn't handle that as I am of the nature that if I decide something, I want it to happen relatively fast so that I don't change my mind. So that is where I am right now. Not sure I want to commit and not sure I have the willpower to do the 2pre/2post weeks of liquids only and then my mind goes into the "what if I am one of the ones who has issues and problems afterwards forever"? I don't think that I am strong enough to be able to handle that.

I found this site March 13 after I started looking into more information. My best friend called me and said she was going to have the surgery and was supposed to go for her first consult March 18. I sent her the link to this site to be supportive of her decision. She called me on Tuesday and said she changed her mind and wasn't going to have it done.

I've created my own diet plan using the liquid protein, high protein, soft/mushie foods, lots of water and calories limited to 800-1000 to see if I can stick to it and see where I am by May 1. I'm still considering LAP-BAND®®®®®® surgery but I need to know that I can have the willpower to do this. If I have lost enough on my own so that I can start walking daily 30-45 mins on the treadmill and continue the diet, then maybe I will be strong enough to get off the excess lbs that I would like to get off without the surger. I have thin cartilidge in my knees that at the moment at my current weight they (knees) don't allow me to do any extensive walking other than in the stores as they go out of place and sometimes swell.

I've decided to use this forum as a support for myself - for my diet my way and perhaps live vicariously through those brave persons who have already made the commitment. I truly wish the best of luck to all you on this life changing endeavor and hopefully you will all be able to be my inspiration.

Yours Truly and

Pat

and :waytogo:

I respect the way you are going about doing this, I do have one suggestion, if you don't mind. Since you are going to go on a diet anyway, why don't you have it be Dr supervised and that way if you decide to have WLS in the future,you will have your Dr supervised diet out of the way and your insurance will cover it. If you decide not to have the surgery you wont have lost anything.

That is good advice, This is a good source for info and people do help if you ask. This is a special journey and everyone's journey is different and unique. I was banded June 29 and have lost 97 pounds I am a new me. I love being called small and I do not have many of the problems I had when I was over 250 pounds. LB works if you work with your LB. Best wishes imaluckydog