First of all, this journal won't be specifically about lapband surgery and weight loss. I'm on this site every day more than once usually, and I need to start journaling again. So, it's just common sense to use this space. Secondly, I like to write.

Last year, 2005, was the toughest roughest year I have yet experienced. My mom had surgery, stayed in hospitals for 5 months due to complications, and a septic infection finally ended it. Her funeral was on what would have been her 73rd birthday. There will be more about this in other entries. Part of this journal's purpose is to work through this grief. So, the first half of 2005 was spent in hospitals. I decided to face this weight problem and the health problems associated with it and had lapband surgery in July. In November, the day following my 50th birthday (THIS was the highlight of 2005 - my 50th birthday...go figure!), my beautiful, wonderful 92 year old grandmother passed. She had a stroke that led to a coma and she passed peacefully. Yeah, she had a great, healthy long life, but dang! My mom and my grandmother in one year? I told you it was going to be about other stuff.

Attitude of gratitude - well, that's just a reminder! One way to handle loss is to try hard to see the good stuff you have. Seems like that might be a good idea for us "lapdancers"...that's what my DH call us...to have the attitude of gratitude, too. I'm sure I'll explore more of that idea, too.

I'm grateful for this journal space, and the invitation to use it.

I'm grateful for the blessing in disguise offered by the dr. who told me I was too heavy for him to realistically treat my ankle...and suggested this lapband surgery.

I am grateful for my little girl's unquestioning, unconditional love (if you don't count being held hostage by the desire for more Polly Pockets!)

To be continued...

MouseCrazy--I lost my father June 18th 03 (less then 2 months before my 21st b/day)& my grandfather October 15 03..I can understand your tremendous & overwhelming grief & sympathize very much with you. One loss is SO devistating but 2,...for me at least, i never had a chance to even grieve for my grandfather because I was still grieving my fathers death. Its so....unbelievably painful & I am very sorry & am here if you ever need to talk.