if I’m just horomonal this week, or if it’s just a combination of so much going on in my life at one time. But I’m feeling like I’m crazy to think ill ever be “size healthy” (thanks to my girl Aja S. For that term *lol*) Now, I’ve always been comfortable being a “Size Sexy” chick (ie: “Good looking & well put together for a Plus-sized woman”. I heard LL Cool J use that term about 5 yrs ago while hosting the +size portion of the Rip the Runway fashion show on BET) in theory, at least – until recently. Not how I looked, but literally…how I felt/feel in my skin/clothes. If you know me/have seen me personally, I do, in fact carry this 300# well. I think that’s why some folks (excluding my closest friends) were shocked when they found out I was going to have WLS. The general response even from my nurses at the Dr’s office was: “But why? You look good girl! Now you tryna get all skinny?” No. I’m not trying to get skinny. I’m unconcerned with being a size 8 or 10 or even 12 for that matter. In fact, personally…I’d be most comfortable in the size 14-16 range (at whatever weight). I just want to be healthy is whatever ways that is. Taking off some of this dead weight, eating healthier, and being more active. Thereby increasing my lifespan (prayerfully) The “out of sorts” part comes in b/c as I’ve said, I’ve been doing a lot of research about the Lap Band. I joined a LB forum and have been communicating with lots of folks, and reading their personal journeys. Most, I’d say 80% have done extreamly well (versus gastric bypass, or the gastric sleeve that are also available). Then there are some, who’s weightloss is so slight (10lbs in a 3 month time period) that the whole thing seems pointless. *sigh* I just hope & pray that I’m not one that this is just a wasted effort. A moot experience altogether… Oh, I know what probably brought on this sudden moodswing of mine also. I went & bought a scale last night so that I can monitor my progress. *straightface* All my efforts of the past week have resulted in gaining a pound. WTF!? Working out, eating significantly smaller portions and controlling my fat intake. Drinking 64oz water each day. 3 square meals + nutricious snacks. Then my husband gets on the scale and has lost 5lbs – the only change in his eating has been a salad or two. *pulling my hair out* Needless to say, the scale is going back to the store – lest it discourages me to the point of journey derailment. So goes the life and ramblings of a Fat Girl…

*blogging via crackberry. Pls excuse the word jumble, will edit later*

how funny.. I just posted a blog called "eff the scale" because that's how I'm feeling. But I can totally relate to you, at 330lbs at my first appointment for WLS the staff was like but you're so pretty, you don't need it. Patients in the waiting room thought I was post-op, by the way I was put together. I like you would be completely happy being a size 14-18 and don't care about being "skinny" just "healthy" and I'm taking credit for LL's saying... I told him that before he said it on that show at an industry party a few months prior -where they (the security) weren't letting girls of my size in to the VIP regardless if we were supposed to be there or not...When I got in he made a comment about I was a refreshing sight to see in the sea of size 6's and I said that's because I'm size sexy... (true story lol) - I have another one about him I'll share when appropriate, but he's a beautiful man inside and out with lots of love for us plus size girls his wife is a blessed woman! But getting back to you my dear - don't fret! Men ALWAYS lose quicker than women and you could very well be hormonal, or your body hasn't gone into ketosis yet (the point where you're burning fat) it can sometimes take awhile to jumpstart. Especially if you haven't shocked your system into it. I would suggest cutting out all whites (flour, salt, sugar, starch) for a few days and see how you do, or do a water fast for 24 hours to jumpstart the weightloss process.

How close are you to surgery?

My MIL (great lady she is) says that when we start feeling like this we should give ourself a day or so and have a pity party, then its back to positive. During your pity party you can lay around, b*tch about stuff, cry about how unfair everything is and then 24 hours later, its over back to positive statements and positive actions! This really works for me. Good luck, and ignore the scale, they are sent from the devil.