It just dawned on me in the past few days that I experienced an epiphany either with the heart attack in September or somewhere along my journey here.

e·piph·a·ny

–noun,plural-nies.

1. (initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.

2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.

3. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

4. a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

All the while I was thinking, "Boy do I have them fooled. If they only knew the real me."

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that they were seeing the real me and the only one I was fooling was myself.

I went back and reread my last 100 or so posts. Almost all were either positive reinforcement or congratulating somebody for reaching a milestone. The surprising thing is that I meant every bit of it.

Six months ago I was a selfish, miserable, negative, argumentative, pessimistic jerk with a huge chip on my shoulder feeding on others' misery. Today, I feel like I get stronger with every positive experience I have or read about. I am trying to forget the past and look forward to each new day.

Attitudes are contagious!!!!

I'm actually feeling pity for those that are letting their negative feelings take over. I try not to empathize with their feelings because I don't need any regression in my attitude now that I may have finally seen the light.

I've still got quite a bit of anger and repressed feelings inside me but they are dwindling with every minute passing.

you SO ROCK. you just have no idea... *hugggggggggg*

"Six months ago I was a selfish, miserable, negative, argumentative, pessimistic jerk with a huge chip on my shoulder feeding on others' misery." *mouth hanging wide open* Wouldnt have guessed it in a MILLION years. When I read your first reply to my post, I thought "wow, he must be the Ambassador of Good Will & Encouragement" *lol*

I honestly think we ALL kinda feel like this about ourselves at some point. I know I do. That why I blog to get it out. Most of my anger & bad attitude real like humor...which somehow inspires others, so I roll with it!

I think being out of shape and miserable with how big i had let myself get played a big part in my attitude, too.

On the serious side, we are all here as a means of support for one another on the journey. Attitudes are definately contagious...so PLEASE keep doing waht you are doing.

You're awesome.

I'm so glad to see this B! Glad you're seeing in yourself what the rest of us see!

*confession* I am always looking at your comments and posts...cause when I am reading your words of encouragement and positive outlook I feel like it's not a whole bunch of candy coated BS...and I like that.

I'll be the first to admit, it started out as candy-coated BS. I was trying to convince myself. Somewhere along the way I actually started believing it myself and I'm not sure when.

Anyways, the end justifies the means. If I have to con myself and others in order to gain a positive outlook on life, then I'll do it all over again.

Thanks!!

Good for you! You have been cheering us all on for quite some time now, and I am happy that you realize that we are all here for you, too. I think we have all been in a place where we were not happy with our lives and our bodies. This journey teaches us all about ourselves, and about how to deal with one another.

Best Wishes!

Awww...good for you! Ain't life not being selfish, miserable, negative, argumentative, pessimistic jerk with a huge chip on my shoulder feeding on others' misery grand? Life is good but short, might as well enjoy it while you're here for the ride!