DH is feeling better about me having LB surgery. He took the time off of work and said that he wants to be there for me. So, surgery is paid in full and airline tickets were a bargain $49 each way to San Diego!! I had a voucher for $420 with Southwest Airlines and only used up half of it. I will save the rest of my voucher for when I have to get my first fill.

I have not started the pre-op diet yet but have been cutting back a little. I will start on the 25th and will have to keep myself very busy and away from the kitchen because I tend to migrate to food when I am at home.

On a real personal note, I have not wanted to go anywhere, except church, because I feel so embarrassed of my weight. When I was in my 20's early 30's I was overweight by 30-40 lbs. but people would say how beautiful I was. I hated it because I felt the pressure to keep up with that label. Why do I even care? God loves me. My husband loves me. And, my children love me any way I look!

I know that I am depressed because I would rather stay at home with no make up, hair not "done" and in comfortable (ugly) clothes than go out with my husband anywhere. Not that he is ashamed ... I am!

I would love to have a trendy, small sized wardrobe and be able to go in at any time and wear anything and know that it is going to look and fit great. No more wearing black all the time to make myself look slimmer!

The ultimate would be to wear jeans and look great! I love jeans but have only worn them a couple times in the adult life.

I am going to name my band "Freedom". Not that it will give me the freedom to eat anything and everything but that it will give me the freedom from my volume eating addiction.

12 days until Freedom!