I'm sure there are many of you that watch "Ruby". "Ruby" is a reality show about a women in Savannah Georgia who once weighted over 700 pounds. Through diet and exercise she has lost down to about 350 pounds.

Last week's episode of Ruby talked about food addiction. Ruby initially was offended to be considered a food addict. As I watched the episode I realized... I AM A FOOD ADDICT. I don't say this proudly, I say this factually. Food is heroine. Food comforts my mind and tortures my soul. I plan my day around food and feel excitement as time draws closer to eat. After I eat, I feel dissappointment with my lack of self control (this is the torture part for me) and inability to eat reasonably.

Why does food have this kind of control? I have self evaluated for years and the answer is mostly the same...I don't know. I was raised by a single parent and food was limited in our home, that could be a deep rooted issue for me. I have always lived in a fat body; I don't know who I would be without being overweight so maybe that's my fear. Maybe I fear male attention and the impact the attention could have on my marriage. I feel very strong in my committment to my husband but there's always fear of the unknown. Maybe I fear losing my best friend as issues are already arising because I am smaller than she is and she is showing signs of being uncomfortable with my progress (although this is a minor issue for me because if she's a true friend she will always be there and if she allows our friendship to dissolve due to me losing weight, then that's on her). Maybe I just love food.

At this point, I don't know why I'm a food addict but what I know for sure is it's time to be accountable.

On Ruby, the specialist recommended following the AA 12 step's and work through the addiction. My church offers a program like this so I am going to get involved and work the steps.

As I dive into this area of my life, I have to live in the moment at all time where food is concerned. I have to be more in tune to the triggers that cause me to make poor food choices and learn to deal with them while I am searching for the "why" I am a food addict.

I truly believe this is a huge step to my journey and who knows what might happen now that I have accepted my addiction. Acceptance if the first step in recovery.

Good luck to all my fellow food addicts.

Thank you. You voice my own thoughts about addiction, I can always simpathize with smokers, drug addicts etc as I truly believe I have the same addictive genes as they do. Others do not understand this.

This is obviously going to be the biggest challenge.

When did you have your band and how are you doing?