Twas the night before surgery.....
and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for me.
I thought I would feel differently by the time I reached this point. I expected to be so proud for sucessfully completing my preop diet. And I do feel that. But I don't feel the excitement I thought I would.
I am thrilled that I made it through the diet. I didn't cheat once, no bites, no licks. Perfect. And I am happy, but not exstatic like I thought. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so, so very tired. This diet has done a number on my body. I'm often dizzy and lightheaded, and usually very tired. It makes it hard to celebrate anything like that!
Maybe I'm tentative because up until this point, I've seen the surgery itself as an escape from the preop diet. But now that I'm there, I am realizing the enormity of what tomorrow brings. I've had surgery before, but never one that I chose to have. I've never been in a situation where I could change my mind if I wanted to.
I'm a little afraid of the pain. But I'm mainly afraid that I won't make it through the next weeks until I get a fill, or even until I get enough fills, that I am not hungry and struggling. While in one sense, the surgery is the end... it is really the beginning. For the last 3 1/2 weeks I had someone dictating what I would eat, how much, and that I would eat nothing else. After the surgery, I will have to make choices again. Choices are dangeous for me...
I am looking forward to moving on. Hoping God is merciful and will continue to give me strength and able to get through this!
4 Comments
Recommended Comments
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now