I didn't realize it was going to be this hard.
So I'm now about 4 months out from my surgery and I've hit a plateau. I cannot seem to break 180 and I'm yo-yo-ing between 182 and 185. I really don't think there is enough fluid in my band because I can definitely eat way too much. I've only had a few moment where I really have felt the restriction. Maybe I'm eating too slow? I don't know. Anyway I've started a new training schedule to prepare for running a 5k run in June. It's a benefit for WEAVE and I think it will be really great to give something back to my community. It's been a little depressing lately with all the changes going on in my life. I spent most of yesterday in tears and I can't really figure out why. My job is really getting to me and in the midst of trying to be grateful that I even have a job I can't help but feel resentful that the job I have is one I hate so much. I just didn't realize that having this surgery was going to be this hard. All I think about is how far away from my goal I am. I was starting to feel better about myself after having lost over 50 pounds but this plateau has made it really difficult for me. I still have a long way to go. I'm really hoping that training for this 5k is going to help me reach my goal. I have a hard time focusing on the here and now and that keeps me stuck in the same place. I have a follow up appointment soon I think and I'll ask for more fluid in my band. I'm hoping that is going to help me more. I was running today and thinking about Lent because it is starting on February 17th. I am trying to think of what to give up for the season. Possibly sugar? My 31st birthday is on the 24th and I wonder if God would be offended if I broke my sugar fast for it. That's the problem with having a birthday that is right in the middle of Lent. Turning 31 is going to be worse than turning 30 I think. I really thought that this last year would be really great and that I'd meet someone but it actually turned out to be not a very good year. I hope that this next year is going to be better. I would like to be at my goal weight by the time I turn 32. That's a little over a year to lose about 80 pounds. In my New Year's resolutions I resolved to be a more positive person this year and to do all the things I've been saying that I was going to do but haven't done yet. So by the end of the year I hope to have enough saved to go to Paris. It's the one thing that I've never done that I wish and wish that I had. I don't want to wake up one day and be 50 and realize that my life has passed me by. Anyway. Having the surgery was a really good thing for me because I'm learning how to appreciate food and enjoy exercising. I just didn't think it was going to be this hard.
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