The thing I love about myself is that when I get down and grumpy and irritated and miserable - it doesn't last long!

Yay! I'm back!

It's always a tiny little teensy eensy thing that makes me go "what was I so bothered about?"

It's this kind of perpetual circle. I want out of the bad mood so badly that I'm running in circles - and getting irritated accordingly - to get out of the bad mood - which just exacerbates my bad mood. And then something eensy teensy happens and I'm fine.

Hopefully this blog won't read like me last two. What I do have to say about the last two, though, is that to me, it's part of what this process is like - for those that have to go through the danged program. Those feelings are real and I've read them elsewhere and it's better to be aware than to be surprised when the irritable grumpiness happens. I could have kept it all to myself and I would have gotten over it all just like I have with letting it out. Letting it out didn't make me feel better and it didn't make me feel worse. The people who piped up and said "dude, we're here for you", well, that helped, but me typing out how stupid I was thinking, that didn't make me feel better or worse. But if someone reads it and says to themselves, "that's how I feel" - well then the work of the blog is done.

Anywho.

I had my annual well woman exam this morning. And this doc is something special. I think he suffers worse PMS than I ever have. Sooooo moody and if you catch him on the wrong day, man, hold your head in your hands cause if you don't, you may lose it.

Today was a good day.

The last time I saw this doc was in November when I approached him to ask for his endorsement for this surgery. He was not so very kind in saying his opinions on my weight gain were that I was basically stupid. It was a less than fulfilling meeting but at the end of the day, he did give me his endorsement and I figured "whatever".

His endorsement meaning a Letter of Medical Necessity.

Today, though...wow.

I didn't know who I was going to meet today.

I've now seen this guy 4 times and I've had 2 wonderful appts and 2 nail-scraping-on-chalkboard appts. I have always loved the office staff there, though, and, in anticipation of having to switch to a new doc in the same office when my hubby and I get pregnant, I've dealt with it.

Anywho. Today.

FABULOUS GUY!

He was chatty, he was sweet, he was positive, he was upbeat, he was in a great mood and even complimentary!

Started with - how was your New Year.

I'm thinking, ok...

Asked if I had questions. I asked his input on actually getting pregnant after being banded. I hear 2 years before we start trying and I don't know that I buy that, personally, especially when considering my case.

Not saying I want to get banded and then immediately start trying to get pregnant.

What I think is that if I focus this year on losing weight, that going into 2011 we should be in a good place for starting to try. If I can lose even just 66 pounds this year, I'll be at a normal BMI. If I can get banded in Feb or March, as has been discussed, then that seems doable. Say it was the end of Feb - that gives me 10 months to lose 66 pounds which means an average of 6.6 pounds a month. Seems to me that most do better than that when they try...and I'll certainly be trying.

So we had a conversation about that. And he thought it was all very doable and reasonable. If I were heavier then it might be more important to focus on two years. But I'm not heavier. And I am older, too. For a first pregnancy anyway.

And then he really surprised me. He complimented me. Said "you are doing well already!"

What? YOU are saying something NICE to ME?

Who ARE you?

In a moment I wish I could undo - he said he wants me to do my baseline mammogram this year. This summer. Really? Am I there already?

But then the whole thing got eery. He got cute. He says, as we are saying our good byes....

"I can't wait to see you next year and I hope to see less of you." Noticing that he was possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he says - "well not less frequently, just less person". Noticing he was still possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he started to stammer. And I'm just smiling cause I know what he means and I know where he's coming from and it's really cute and not bugging me and I even thought it was funny - and right on the dot. So I Iet him off the hook and said "I know what you mean and it sounds great to me, too!" He smiled and shook my hand and said he couldn't wait to see me next year - keep up the good work.

Really? 10 pounds is good work? 10 pounds in 4 months?

I guess it's something. But it's not a lot...

I have to chuckle - cause it is a lot when I consider how I've done it. Given the program and it's design, it's been half-hearted and half-arsed.

Sigh. I really can't wait to just let myself go and TRY!

Anywho.

Who knows if I will get banded. Who knows if this is all for nothing or all for something. But somehow, this appt gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and now I just feel better.

Add to that - the cold is still on the retreat and I feel ~95% finally. Still a bit of a stuffed up nose - but nothing I can't start to attribute to allergies.

Speaking of which, I think I'll go get some decongestants...

I'm glad you are feeling better! YAY!

Sending a 'warm fuzzy' your way (your doc needs some happy pills to smooth out that mood)...glad you're feeling better! -BG