I think the cold that was beating me up on Monday is finally receding. Now there's a recession to appreciate!

I don't think I realized quite how badly I felt on Monday. But I think I felt so badly that I was quite grumpy and my perspective is...ummm...not so positive...when I'm grumpy. My mom used to hate me grumpy. I think my husband doesn't know what to do with me grumpy...

I don't either for that matter. But it happens. And sometimes I can figure out what's causing it and can then put myself in check. And other times it's just this thing that gets to badger me all day. And Monday was one such day. Didn't feel bad enough to know I felt bad. But didn't feel good enough to feel good, either.

(For the record, I'm not grumpy today, I'm stressed. There's a difference, although it's a fine line...)

By Tuesday I was done. I slept ALL day yesterday. Alarm went off and I thought to myself - there's just no way. I think this next thing speaks volumes - when I said to my hubby - I'm staying home - he normally says "are you sure?" and yesterday he just said "ok". So I went back to sleep. I woke up at 12:30 and was back asleep by 1. I woke up again at 1:30 and had to run an errand. I was back in bed by 2:30 and slept until 7 last night. And finally I was asleep by 9 for the night.

I feel human today!

And to make it even better - the scale dropped this morning, too! Didn't take any dayquil today and won't take any nyquil tonight. Not saying I've beat this cold - but it sure is receding!

It's been odd this winter. Normally I have one cold when school starts in the fall and one cold when school starts in January. This year - I've had a constant cold since November with a bout of gastroenteritis for good (HA) measure. I'm so sick of being sick.

I think that'd make even the happiest of people grumpy. I'm normally pretty happy, too!

So the scale dropped this morning. Not enough to make me say "ok, I'm good for the next weigh-in" but it was enough that I can now say to myself "ok, if I do this and this, then I'll be good for the next weigh-in". I have two weeks to make something happen - something meaning a pound or two. Seems do-able.

I do think my body has plateau-ed. It has done all it's going to do from just changing what I eat and how I think about it. Now don't take that as me saying "I've got the eating part all figured out" - cause I certainly don't.

I'm on an unweightloss program and with this, I have had a bit of, "well, I'm not banded yet, and I can't lose too much weight here, so I'll eat a little more of this, or a serving of that, or..." In other words, I apply the rules only insofar as I can afford to. I don't have the impression that I can just lose the weight and so I'm constantly doing and undoing my progress.

And I hate that. But that's neither here nor there.

What I do know is that even with this doing and undoing, my body has been responding in manner X. And this month my body is responding in manner Y. Which leads me to believe I've plateaued. So I have to change gears a bit. I feel like I have two options. I can stop the doing and undoing and just do. Or I can continue with the doing and undoing and add in light exercise.

For my mental health - I want my endorphines back - I am opting for the light exercise option.

I wish someone could get out there crystal ball and tell me that this stress I am feelingis worth it. Will this even happen?

I am not the sort that gets colds and flus and gastroenteritis' so easily. I used to work offshore and I went out on my vessel one time with 24 other people. 24 other people shared bronchitis, gastroenteritis, colds and more and I got NOTHING. We were out there for five weeks and these bugs kept getting passed back and forth and all around the crew. I got nothing! I was happy as a clam and not stressed and enjoying life. I got home to a sick fiance (had bronchitis) and still got nothing.

Stress matters. And the stress of this gosh-darned-stupid-as-all-get-out "unweightloss" program is killing me! Add to this the economy and this feeling that it's just a matter of time before I lose my job...and I'm stressed. Downright, nothing else to call it, S T R E S S E D!

So tell me. This one thing that I am truly adding to myself (cause I'm causing all my stress, but as much as I'm causing it, external factors are also at play) but this one thing - it's all me. I could say I'm not doing it, I'm not stressing about it, I'm done - but then I could just be fat forever. So tell me. WILL THIS STRESS BE WORTH IT?

If I get banded, yes. It's worth it. BUT WILL I GET BANDED?

ugh.

and sigh.

and ugh again.

I want to NOT HAVE A COLD. For the rest of this year. Not just this season. Not next season, either.

I want the economy to turn around. I want job security. Can't we all just get along?

I just want this phase to be over.

Over dangit, over!

Aw, I can really hear your stress. I'm so sorry! I can't tell you if in the end it will all be worth it, but I can tell you that I (and many others) will be right here with you working through it. Keep at it, girl!!

Thanks, Loseit! I'm gonna keep on keepin on. It helps that I can come here and whine a little and let some of it out. I know that once I feel better - I'll feel better about everything. And I know of a couple things that will make me feel better - so I just gotta work at making them happen..

Thanks for the support - it really helps!