It's a Monday. It's January 18th. That's about all I can say today.

To those that say the last month or two of the danged "unweightloss" program go by fast - go to friggin heck! This is way slower than it used to was.

The first four months I could sit there and think about everything else - still about the band, but it was everything else. But now, I'm in this kind of almost like agony just wondering if this is all for not. Will I even get approved for surgery? Will I have to go through years of appeals? Will this even happen?

I know, years of appeals is exagerating. We hope.

I have two and a half weeks until my next weigh in. And then presumably four more weeks until my last weigh in. Seems like I should be excited about, conceivably, just six and a half more weeks to go. And yet it feels like torture. Because I don't even know what will happen after these six and a half weeks.

In other news, I got my bloodwork results back. I still have high cholesterol. No surprise there. But what IS surprising is that it's not nearly as high as it used to was. It is already coming down. I sure didn't see that coming. I'm supposed to go check in with my PCP about this, but, you know...it's coming down without medical intervention. I want to get banded and see what else happens...

So there I go again...will I even get banded?

Ugh, six weeks. And that's just to finish this danged program. I thought I was at peace with it but apparently I'm not. I do, however, think I'm at a place where I can start working out again. The weight I thought I lost last week decided it missed me...which means I'm exactly where I was at my last weigh-in. I can wear lighter clothes for my next weigh-in cause it appears winter is over. From four days in freezing temps all the way to mid-70's this week. Ugh! I WANT WINTER!

Dangit Texas. Darned temperate climate....

Maybe I'm grumpy today. Just maybe. Spent all weekend fighting a cold and sleeping and now sweet hubby is home today with a day off - they call it a holiday at his place of employment. We are here keeping the computers whirring but I'm sooo not feeling it. Probably cause I'm grumpy. Not feeling anything other than GRRRR.

And for what. When I feel grrr, lately, I ask myself why. Does the alternative beat this? So what's my alternative. I could not be trying to get the lap-band® and I could still be struggling with my weight. Oh, wait. I am still struggling and even feeling defeated. I could not feel badly because of a cold on top of a cold I still hadn't quite beat. Oh wait, well, I'd rather NOT have the cold! I could not have a job. Ok...I'll pass on that one. I want to keep this job!

I guess I could join the ranks of BG et. al. and be plugged up. I'm tellin' you - the smoothie works wonders. I am sooo not the regular type when I don't drink the smoothie. One smoothie and one cup of coffee works wonders on me, though. We shall see what happens after the band...dangit - will I even get banded?

I'm so very all over the place and it's so very how I feel right now. I just want to know that this program is/will be worth it. I want to know that I will get banded. I want to know that life is on the mend, so to speak. I want to know that my new efforts are worth it. It doesn't help that at work I'm doing about the most mindless thing we do and it appears this is what I get to do for the next two months or so. It doesn't help because doing this mindless crap means my mind can race to other things I'd rather not even be conscious of - like will I even get banded?

At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...

Sigh...

You also have a place to vent! We are here for you, girl!

I speak for myself when I say that these rough times come and go....I would rather they go more often. Thank goodness we all understand where you are right now....and are here for support. Maybe just venting like this will help clear out the gremlins that are plaguing you right now.

...tick...tick...tick...(I'm with you sister...looooong wait). Good job getting it all out here! Oh, and high cholesterol WITH medical intervention is a comorbidity and might help approval -BG