For my journal readers here is a bit more about me:

I am 31 and the mother of two children - my daughter is 14 years old and my son is 10. I'm newly married *3rd and last time!* to a man who is 18 years my senior. I was first married at 16 - to my DD father - divorced by 19 and remarried at 22. That one didn't work after 7 years of marriage. I'm married again - more secure now, more mature, more sure of myself. The kids have had a hard time adjusting to the change...

I have a day job and also own my own online company. (www.providerwatch.com and www.findadaycare.com) I enjoy living in Western Washington for the weather, the green, and the fact I can get in the car and drive somewhere. NOT like when I lived in Anchorage, Alaska!

I write - poetry mostly. I love music - listening to it cause I don't have a musical bone in my body. I love to read - anything from fiction to interesting non fiction. I think I'm more serious than I should be....

From the thread "Why are you Fat?"

My weight gain began about 9 years ago - it was a slow process that began with excessive drinking - high calorie drinks -depression...I gained about 30 pounds those first few years, lost some and have steadily increased reaching my all time high - currently 255. I quit drinking a year ago - eat more to replace it - and have worked at a desk job for 3 years. That combined with no physical activity.

I ENJOY food, its emotional for me. When I cook and enjoy a good meal, it feels good deep down. But this good feeling is followed by guilt and remorse. When I feel full - I feel guilty.

I think about being fat from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed at night and sometimes in my sleep. The bottom line is I overeat, food is emotional satisfaction, and I sit on my a$$ at work all day.

Congratualtions on making it this far and making some great life decisions. You are awesome for overcoming all that you have and to put down a bottle then food....WOW

Food is something serious and some people just don't understand. Well at this point of your life you are making a choice to get fit and fabulous. I commend you. As far as sitting on that thang at work.....go to the bathroom 2 extra times a day, do leg lifts under your desk, squeeze your glutes, sit up straight, suck in stomach real hard and hold, let it go and repeat. Denise Austin says that is like doing cruches.....I put it in the exercise forum.

Go LittleBird:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

Hey thanks for the tips! I appreciate it.