I have never written a blog before. I have never really considered it. Nor have I ever read others' blogs. But the past couple of days I began reading blogs of others who have already begun this journey. I wanted to see the progression of thoughts and feelings they have gone through after their banding. It has been fascinating to read about the ups and downs of others' experiences, and to know that I am embarking on this myself.

I will be banded on February 8. I begin my 3 week pre-op diet a week from now. I feel like I am struggling to focus on anything else. I know my life is about to change forever, and I'm almost obsessed with it. I know my husband and parents are sick of hearing about it!

To give a brief background on who I am - I am 34 years old. I am a former teacher, currently a stay-at-home mother of two children, aged 2 and 4. My husband has never weighed over 190 pounds and doesn't understand my struggles. He is not really in favor of me having Lap-band®® surgery. He says that his gut feeling is that this is a bad idea. But I don't think anyone can understand the struggles of a morbidly obese person except for another person who has walked in the same shoes.

I believe that God has led me down this path. My faith and my relationship with God is very important to me. When I felt like even God could not help me out of this pit, He revealed to me that this was the way He was going to choose to answer the prayers I have prayed for so long.

I know that if I do not do something, I will not live to see my children grow up. Even now, I feel like I am preventing my children from having the childhood they could if I were 100 pounds lighter. I'm too tired to run in the backyard with them. I won't take them to amusement parks because I know I won't fit on the rides. I keep myself from getting together with others and making friends because I hate being the only fat mother in a group of beautiful, skinny, perfect mothers. I'm tired of feeling like I never have anything to wear, even though I have boxes and boxes of clothes that USED to fit, and a few things that currently fit that I don't really like. I don't want my kids to be known as the kids with the "fat mom." Most of all, I want my kids to remember me as happy, healthy, energetic, and fun. I don't think that would describe me now.

I want my life to change.

So, I don't really care if anyone ever reads this blog or not. This is for me. I want to have a record of this time in my life. I don't want to forget where I came from. When I feel like things aren't moving fast enough, or that it's just not worth it.... I want to be able to look back at where I started.

Michelle

1/10/10

I feel your pain. I will pray for you that all goes well so you can feel better for yourself and family. God knows how you feel and hears your prayers. We're here to support one another. I think now I want to write a blog. Thank you for sharing.

Sounds like your head is in the right place and your doing this for all the right reasons. Stay strong and keep believing!

Michelle-- Nobody can understand the physical or emotional "stuff" the obese deal with. My husband has never had a weight problem and doesn't understand either, yet is very supportive. He never complained about my weight, but could see how it was hurting me and my self esteem. I was banded in July and have lost 31 lbs. It has been slow, but I'm working through it. There will be a lot of food and non-food issues that you may be facing. But keep this great attitude. I truely feel like God brought lapband to me. It is my last hope. It is the best thing I have done. I wish you luck!

I started blogging for the exact same reason. This monopolizes my every thought (almost) and I didn't want to overload my friends and family. It is an excellent outlet. Good luck!!

Michelle- I appreciate your honesty about your feelings. I feel the same exact way. Only, I've had 10 more years to dwell on it, I am 44. My kids are 8 and 12. I feel like I'm pretty active with them, but I know I could do more. I had my final Dr. appointment today. My surgery is in a week. I've been on this pre-op diet for 7 days, only 7 more to go. It's been a struggle for me, but I am goal oriented, so I plug thru. I,m tired of focusing on my weight, I can't wait until I'm recovered from the surgery, and eating less. Good luck to you!!!!