I have never even thought about writing a blog, but here I am.

I am 6 months post op today. I have lost 63 lbs and am very excited and happy about that. At this point I am very happy I chose to be banded.

When I first joined LBT, I did it to learn and to chit chat with other bandsters. I figured I would NEVER post a picture of myself for several reasons. I did not take a picture of myself at my highest weight and I did not take measurements. I was too disgusted with the way I looked and how big I was. I just want to take off the weight and never look back. I never want to see a picture of myself in that condition and I do not want other people looking at me in that condition. Even at my thinest I have never thought I was very photogenic. I would always pick at flaws in pictures ..... my hair was flat, my eyes were red, my belly roll shows, my skin looks blotchy, I had a zit, I'm not pretty............

Well, yesterday I was looking through some pics I had on the computer. There was a pic of me standing with some family mambers in the fall 2008. I almost started crying. OMG!

I looked VERY OBESE! Not only was my hair and skin bad, I was HUGE! I looked so ugly! I could never post that picture for even my fellow bansters who understand to see. Then I saw a picture of me in 1991. I was not at my thinest adult weight (135#) , but wasn't too bad at 155 #. OMG. I was so beautiful ! I was HOT! Of course I was also 26 years old, but even back then I thought I was not very photogenic.

My God, what have I done to myself? Many years have gone by and there have been many ups and downs over the years. There have been illnesses, surgeries, stresses and tragidies. I seldomly put myself first. I have been on many diets ... yo-yo.

I let myself become morbidly obese.

Even with the great weight loss I have today, I feel very ugly and very obese and very old.

Not a positive blog, but the truth about how I feel.

Venting can be a good thing! But putting yourself down and not letting go of bad feelings can damage your progress! Praise yourself for the hard work you have done. You and I are about the same! I have lost 61 lbs in 5 Months and one week. I don't have a lot of full length photos of myself before, and I am just concentrating on staying on track to get to my goal. This quote helps me, so I am sharing with you!

"Make everydays goal small enough to accomplish; big enough to matter, and specific enough to easily know when you've accomplished it."

People who do this consistently, over a long period of time, find that before we know it, they have accomplished something great, and so you will!

Blogging is a great place to get it out of your system. Therapy is $85 or more to do the same thing and bartenders just don't care any more.

It's too late for the "what have I done to myself" attitude. You've already started undoing it. Reh, rah, keep it up :thumbup:

I have a feeling we will be seeing those pictures sooner or later. The ugly, fat pictures always make the best before pictures and the thin, beautiful ones the best afters.

Thank you for your comments and support. Seeing the pictures ....before = thin, beautiful, young and after = obese, older, really triggered my mid-life crisis !

I do feel very good about getting banded and my progress so far. I also feel great about my other life accomplishments over the years. I have come a very long way over these 45 years. This weightloss and lapband journey is just my most recent journey. Thanks again. I really enjoy LBT.